7 actions that can lose respect

So just stop doing them now...

“Knowledge will give you power, but character will give you respect.”

— Bruce Lee

Following the massive success of one of our previous blog posts on "9 Phrases you need to stop saying today", I have decided to follow it up with another very tactical blog, this time, focusing on actions that you do that make people lose respect for you. Maybe not immediately, but these little actions, if you do them regularly, will definitely result in a loss of respect for you.

And, like the previous blog post, I have interviewed senior people across multiple organisations to confirm whether these actions cause them to lose respect for the person (especially for those who report to them). So here we go:

7 actions that cause people to lose respect for you

STOP DOING THESE THINGS NOW:

Interrupting someone - especially when they pause momentarily before continuing

This is a no-brainer and yet I'm surprised by how often people do this. Active listening requires you to genuinely listen to understand and not listen with the intent to respond. Yet, a lot of people do the latter and not the former. If somebody pauses momentarily mid-sentence to think before continuing, then let them do so. Especially if it's someone more senior than you. Experienced and smart people will constantly think about what they're saying. Momentary pauses are natural. Don't interrupt this pause. One CEO I spoke with said it's really annoying when she pauses to think and is interrupted, causing her to have to break her train of thought and start again. If you listen with the intent to understand, you might actually learn something.

Arriving late for meetings

If you do this consistently then not only are you being disrespectful, but soon, you will find that people will lose respect for you. Just imagine what will happen when you next try to hold a meeting. As Confucius says... "do unto others as you'd want them to do unto you.

Reading your emails during meetings... and responding

I'm guilty of this and have done it many times. Let's be honest here. You think nobody notices what you're doing, but everybody knows what you're doing. Especially the person talking. You can type as quietly as you like but everybody knows you're typing. Just like interrupting someone mid sentence, reading and responding to emails shows you're not listening and disrespecting everyone else in the room. So stop it. Pay attention, contribute to the meeting, and stand out from the crowd. Especially introverts. You have a hard enough time trying to communicate your deep thoughts, so don't complicate it further by trying to multi-task.

No agenda - no idea what the purpose of the meeting is

Everyone is busy and holding a meeting with no agenda or little to no description as to what the purpose of the meeting is, and you will soon find that nobody is going to accept your meeting invites. If you just want to chit chat, go and have a coffee one on one, do it at the pub, or have lunch together. Meetings are to achieve outcomes or cover specific items. One CEO I spoke with has asked his EA to never accept meetings without a clear understanding of its purpose or agenda.

Stop telling people how many meetings you have

When you consistently do this, at some point, people are just going to tune out because rightly or wrongly, all you are doing is trying to tell people how important you are. But guess what? Everyone is busy too, and whether they admit it or not, everyone wants to feel important too. Stop telling people how many meetings you have. They don't care and if you really do have too many meetings, then you are making yourself way too available and lowering your value.

Talk in hushed tones or whisper in plain sight

Almost all of us work in open plan offices now. If you talk in hushed tones or whisper to a colleague, you will be seen. If you do this often enough, regardless of whether people overhear your conversation or not, they will form the view that you are gossiping. If you want to have a confidential verbal conversation, go to a coffee shop. Do it over lunch with your colleague. This was a consistent sore point for a lot of the senior leaders I spoke with. Why? Because they think you're talking about them... and if you spot you doing it often enough, what do you think is going to happen to you chances of a promotion? You can kiss it goodbye.

Blog Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Further Reading

How to easily command respect in a group

Commanding genuine respect, one that doesn’t rely on your position power is one of the hardest things to do for an introvert. There are five simple actions we can adopt straight away that can help us to establish our presence in the room and command the attention and focus on what we have to say.

How to be Value-Adding

Being seen as value-adding is one of the biggest planks in the foundation of your career success. Here are four simple steps you can take, which if you do consistently, will guarantee that you seen to be contributing meaningfully at work and maximise your chances of promotion and success.

Looking confident while working remotely

It’s hard to project confidence while on video calls. It acts like a barrier that stops us from achieving the best version of ourselves. Be it the sound quality or just trying to get your message across amongst the traffic of voices all trying to chime in at the same time. Here are six simple things to do that will give you the best chance at projecting the best version of yourself on a video call.

How to overcome Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is the single biggest blocker to introverts recognising the best version of themselves. The rapid heart beat, sweat, and mind blanks cause us to lose our perfectly thought through logic. Instead, a jumbled mass of words and ideas come out. The solution isn’t to stop feeling anxious. It is to recognise it and then start focus on the people you are speaking to.

Confrontations - Doing it the right way

Confrontations need not be daunting and one sided. The traditional leadership theories that focus on feelings and behaviours aren’t wrong. But they are missing a core component that make a massive difference. There is a simple framework from Simon Sinek that ties it all together.

STOP your nice guy / girl behaviours

Stop saying yes when you want to say no, and learn to prioritise your needs first. Nobody else is going to make your career goals come true except you. There are simple steps you can take now to stop sabotaging yourself through your nice guy / girl behaviours.

Being the best version of yourself while Working From Home

Don’t let the pandemic cause you to regress on your self improvement journey and fall into the comfort trap while working from home. Take charge of your new routine and refocus on these six foundation steps to get back on your self-improvement journey and use this opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

The key to demonstrating confidence

Your ability to demonstrate confidence is key to your career success, progression, and getting what you want. If you understand frame and can hold it in any interaction, then you will come across as confident. Here are some simple but highly impactful techniques you can use to project confidence.

The key to promotion for introverts

The key to promotion for introverts is to unleash our deep thinking and put them into practice. The mindset shift is to realise, you have to demonstrate you are operating at the next level before you actually get promoted. There is a simple way to demonstrate this by changing what you say and do when you encounter an issue. Use this principle to change your mindset and you will find success.

How to be charming as an introvert

There are a few simple actions you can take, to be as charming as Keanu Reeves, who is a stand-out as an introvert in a very extrovert dominated industry. It doesn’t require you to pretend to be someone you are not, but these five simple actions, give you the tools to embrace your introversion and use them to genuinely connect and interact in the most value-adding way. You will be both charming and unforgettable.