“Life is not as SERIOUS as the MIND makes it out to be.”

— Eckhart Tolle

The longer I sat there, the more I felt overwhelmed. The longer I sat at my desk, the more I felt like I was not good enough. I'm sure you've all been there. Where you can't focus on the task at hand and your mind just wanders into all the deep dark places of self doubt and self destruction. For reasons unknown to me at that moment, I felt like I was a fraud and I didn't deserve my role, and the most resolute and positive feedback anyone had ever received in the organisation for a job well done. Worse still, I started to ask "is that all there is to this career, to this life?"

I felt so overwhelmed with negativity and self doubt, I stood up, walked out of the office, and walked around the office block. Not just once, but three times. All up, it took a 45 minute walk around the block to eventually lower the inner voice of self doubt enough to return to the office. As I walked back into the elevator, I had one massive burning question in my head:

What on Earth just happened in my head!!!!!

No more than two hours before, I received one of the most positive feedback comments ever from the CEO on a project which took over a month and 200 man hours. The CEO was so impressed with the deliverable that he asked openly why the team that was responsible for managing the specific topic area wasn't able to deliver the same result for an entire year. The feedback was even more impressive when you factor in that I've only been at the organisation for four months.

The CEO made a point of walking up to my desk to make sure I was aware of his feedback personally. You can tell he doesn't give positive feedback very often because it was so unnatural. I was also very awkward in receiving the feedback as I've never been comfortable with receiving compliments. I think I must've said "thank you" like 10 times as I couldn't think of anything else to say. In that moment, I was very happy. In that moment, I felt relief.

But for no particular reason, as I sat working away on day to day tasks, a very uncomfortable sensation started to creep into my thoughts. Very subtle at first but it got stronger and stronger. The happiness I felt before seemed to last only a split second. As the happiness faded, the feeling of emptiness settled in and slowly over time turned into self resentment, self doubt, and the inevitable negative self talk. My brain was saying to me:

"... that was just a fluke..." or "... you don't deserve the compliment..."

As incomparable as this contrast is going to be, this must be how drug addicts or alcoholics feel as they come down from their "high". For high performers, getting fantastic feedback is like a drug. It's gives you a high. But like all highs, you eventually have to return to the normal state. So you seek out the next high, the next accomplishment that is either going to give you the great feedback or smacks you down because you took too many risks. Perhaps that's why in certain industries, extremely high performing individuals are reliant on certain drugs or alcohol or call girls. It helps to distract them or keep away the negative self talk in between their accomplishments.

But then as I entered the lift, I remember the "5 Second Rule"from Mel Robbins. Whenever you have negative self talk, or any sort of negative emotions, then stop what you are doing and in your head count to five. It doesn't matter whether you count forwards or count backwards, just count the five.

The theory being that by counting to five (or doing some sort of mathematical calculation - I guess you could do algebra but counting to five is just easier), you force the brain to disrupt its emotional state. If you can disrupt the negative emotional state long enough then it stops the cycle of negative self talk before it truly takes over in a self fulfilling cycle.

So throughout all of this week, as soon I feel negative emotions or start to feel self doubt, or even when I start to feel nervous, I stop what I'm doing and I force my head (I guess you could say it out loud - other people might look at you funny) to count backwards from five... and in my head I visualise the numbers... it could just be I'm not good at maths and I have to see the numbers themselves.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

And it works. Just this week alone, I've caught myself needing to use this technique to interrupt the negative self talk. Sometimes I have to count twice or three times. Other times, just once will do. The more you do this, the more you will be able to anticipate how many times is needed to break the self talk.

Obviously, there is something deeper I need to address to understand why I feel negative when I should be feeling positive. But that's going to take a while. At lease in the interim, I have a technique that will stop me from spiralling downwards and let me get back to my true self.

Blog Photo by Jon Ly on Unsplash.

Further Reading

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Commanding genuine respect, one that doesn’t rely on your position power is one of the hardest things to do for an introvert. There are five simple actions we can adopt straight away that can help us to establish our presence in the room and command the attention and focus on what we have to say.

How to be Value-Adding

Being seen as value-adding is one of the biggest planks in the foundation of your career success. Here are four simple steps you can take, which if you do consistently, will guarantee that you seen to be contributing meaningfully at work and maximise your chances of promotion and success.

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It’s hard to project confidence while on video calls. It acts like a barrier that stops us from achieving the best version of ourselves. Be it the sound quality or just trying to get your message across amongst the traffic of voices all trying to chime in at the same time. Here are six simple things to do that will give you the best chance at projecting the best version of yourself on a video call.

How to overcome Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is the single biggest blocker to introverts recognising the best version of themselves. The rapid heart beat, sweat, and mind blanks cause us to lose our perfectly thought through logic. Instead, a jumbled mass of words and ideas come out. The solution isn’t to stop feeling anxious. It is to recognise it and then start focus on the people you are speaking to.

Confrontations - Doing it the right way

Confrontations need not be daunting and one sided. The traditional leadership theories that focus on feelings and behaviours aren’t wrong. But they are missing a core component that make a massive difference. There is a simple framework from Simon Sinek that ties it all together.

STOP your nice guy / girl behaviours

Stop saying yes when you want to say no, and learn to prioritise your needs first. Nobody else is going to make your career goals come true except you. There are simple steps you can take now to stop sabotaging yourself through your nice guy / girl behaviours.

Being the best version of yourself while Working From Home

Don’t let the pandemic cause you to regress on your self improvement journey and fall into the comfort trap while working from home. Take charge of your new routine and refocus on these six foundation steps to get back on your self-improvement journey and use this opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

The key to demonstrating confidence

Your ability to demonstrate confidence is key to your career success, progression, and getting what you want. If you understand frame and can hold it in any interaction, then you will come across as confident. Here are some simple but highly impactful techniques you can use to project confidence.

The key to promotion for introverts

The key to promotion for introverts is to unleash our deep thinking and put them into practice. The mindset shift is to realise, you have to demonstrate you are operating at the next level before you actually get promoted. There is a simple way to demonstrate this by changing what you say and do when you encounter an issue. Use this principle to change your mindset and you will find success.

How to be charming as an introvert

There are a few simple actions you can take, to be as charming as Keanu Reeves, who is a stand-out as an introvert in a very extrovert dominated industry. It doesn’t require you to pretend to be someone you are not, but these five simple actions, give you the tools to embrace your introversion and use them to genuinely connect and interact in the most value-adding way. You will be both charming and unforgettable.