To always get what you ask - use this 3 step sequence

3 step sequence to get you what you ask for

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion it has taken place.”

— George Bernard Shaw

Time for another very tactical blog. One which I only discovered most recently as I was performance managing a team member. Yes, it's one of those very unpleasant tasks, but I always believe that it is much better to tell someone up front that they're not making the grade (and why), than to pretend it's not a problem and then try to get rid of them at the next restructure. That's just cruel and gutless. Sadly, as I go through my career, I've encountered many gutless leaders.

I made this discover as I was trying to coach this team member through the basics of communication. You see, his poor communication skills meant that he basically couldn't accomplish the most basic of tasks without pissing people off.

Here's a small example to illustrate just how bad his communication skills were. We had walked through his performance improvement plan on Tuesday morning and I had asked him to book a time on Thursday to check-in on his proposed actions. Remember, this is the plan to help him improve and keep his job. By the end of Tuesday, seeing no invite from him, I sent one out, and he accepted. Then come 6AM on Thursday morning, he declined the invite with no explanation at all. I was so frustrated I sent a very terse email demanding an explanation. Turns out, he wanted to prioritise a meeting with an internal customer in order to finish a project on time and would be in a different location. He was trying to be proactive (which was one of his improvement points) but without so much as an explanation, he pissed me off in the process. In the end we discussed his actions on the phone twice that Thursday, and not surprisingly, we focussed on his poor communication skills. You can probably guess, he disagreed he had a problem at first. 

So over the last fortnight, I had spent countless hours providing him instant feedback on when his communication was poor, and giving him examples and guidance on how he could improve. Don't even get me started on the even more countless hours I've spent tidying up his mess from people getting pissed off from his poor worded emails, reports, and even phone calls. Don't get me wrong, in person, this guy could communicate OK. But we all know that the non-verbal cues are at play in face to face meetings and can often cover up poor communication skills. But on the phone or via email, we need to do more to compensate for the lack of non-verbal cues. I'm sure you've all experienced the miscommunication that's occurred through text messages, Whatsapp, Line, etc. Sometimes the most unintentional small sentences can turn into the biggest arguments because the receiver of the message didn't get the nuances... even when you pile it full of emojis. 

So as I work through example after example after example on how to communicate better, a very distinct pattern started to show up when I took a step back. As we worked through example emails and videos from CEOs, Directors, General Managers, and even several TED talks, it became very evident, they all used this pattern to communicate. 

And the patterns is so simple. When communication verbally or in a written form, especially in a work environment where people have very little time, the most successful pattern of communication always look like this:

Context (why) - Outcome (what) - Action (how)

• Context: State why you are making contact with this person. Why does this person need to pay attention to what you're saying. For example "Hi Sandy, I'm reviewing our capital adequacy requirements and I need your help to understand a few things." If you look back at your communications, you've either not done this or you've put it at the end. 
• Outcome: State clearly what you want to achieve. Continuing on from the example above: "I'm hoping to confirm that the numbers in Graph A align with what we reported to the regulator last month". Keep this part simple and straight forward. Essentially, you should be able to articulate what you want in one or two sentences. If you can't keep this part short, you should stop. Normally, this is a sign that you don't know what you want yourself. Unless of course, you really don't know, then your outcome should be this "I'm not sure what I should be looking for to better understand this graph."
• Action: This part is exactly as it sounds. What action do you want the receiver to take. Continuing the above example, what you can say is this "I'd like to spend 15 minutes with you to walk through the chart. I'll check your diary and book a convenient time."

That's it. A simple pattern that will ensure you don't fluff about in your communications, don't piss off the recipient of your message, and importantly is a pattern that will increase the guarantee of a response and you getting what you want. 

If you stick with the above formula, your communication will be short and concise, and in the end, very very clear about why you're reaching out, what you're trying to achieve, and what you'd like the recipient to do. 

The key to career progression, good relationships, and overall a better life often comes down to your ability to communicate, what you want, how your feel, your vision, your goals, etc. If you can't communicate (and you're older than three years old) then you'll struggle to get what you want.

As I say to my wife all the time, "successful communication isn't when you've said what you've wanted to say but it's when I as your husband have actually understood what you meant." 

Hopefully I have more of a chance to convince you of the importance of this concept than I do my wife. I still think she expects me to have telepathic powers and understand what she means when she throws out a random statement and expects me to take action.

Blog Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash