How to be persuasive

“Truthful words are not beautiful; beautiful words are not truthful. Good words are not persuasive; persuasive words are not good.”

— Lao Tzu

You may have the best ideas in the world and you may have a smooth deep voice that comes across like silk (or melted butter). But, if you don’t communicate those ideas in a structured manner that shows both confidence in your own ideas while simultaneously conveying respect for the people listening (and those who challenge your ideas), then those ideas will fall on deaf ears. A bias towards confidence will come across as possibly arrogant and egotistical, which will dissuade people from believing in what you have to say. Not showing respect to those who challenge you (or respecting the need for the audience to know where you’re coming from) will make people lose interest in what you have to say pretty much straight away. Get the balance wrong, and you are no longer persuasive.

It’s a fine balance to maintain, particularly for introverts who not only have to balance the above, but also have to balance the racing heart beat, sweaty palms, and general nervousness. The situation is made worse when the stakes are high and you’re not used to opening your mouth and speaking up in public.

There is no magic formula to becoming more persuasive, there is no magical pill or set of words you use that will make you come across as persuasive. But there is a two step approach you can take that helps you balance the fine line and maximise your persuasion.

STEP 1 - WHATEVER HAPPENS… BE POLITE

This may seem like a surprise to some people but most audiences generally perceive those who are polite and maintain a level of reasonable politeness in challenging scenarios as more persuasive. Yes, a lot of science has been conducted to explain why this is the case (it’s called the politeness bias) but I think general common sense explains it better.

Being polite conveys respect. Respect that you are open to being challenged. If you are open to being challenged, you also come across as rational and confident in what you have to say. Next, think about this scenario. If you stay calm and maintain a reasonable degree of politeness in the face of a potentially highly charged challenge (e.g. loud shouting or unprofessional ways of communicating), it actually conveys strength and not weakness. Your politeness blunts your opponent’s attacks, not giving them energy to further fuel their anger, while demonstrating to others in the audience that you are confident and that you don’t have to shout to get your points across. Obviously, you can sound more tense, you can sound use stronger words, but at all times, be polite.

When I was still fairly new in my Internal Audit role (not even a Manager at this stage), I performed a review on a Bank’s vendor management practices. As part of the meeting to walk through my observations and get Management’s feedback, we (me and my Manager) met with the CFO and his team. My observations on potential process gaps weren’t that severe. But pretty much five minutes in, the CFO launched into a tirade. Perhaps we caught him on a bad day but every observation (there were five), he was loudly accusing me of overreacting and using swear words that are not suitable for publication here. I maintained my calm and held my line that this meeting was to get his input and nothing was finalised. He persisted with his attack (and yes … my Manager said nothing) and after 20 minutes of this, the CFO’s own team actually started to defend me as well. They started pensively with words like “… I think the observations raised here are worth considering…” to very quickly becoming “… I think Phil is right and we actually support this…”

The meeting finished without agreement. I walked away thinking I had failed miserably. Unbeknownst to me, the CFO’s own team were spreading the word about how I maintained my calm and polite approach in the face of such a ferocious attack. Very soon, what at first appeared to be a failure for me, actually turned around and became one of the symbolic events in my career that moulded my reputation. Soon, the CFO called me to apologise, and we actually developed a sound working relationship afterwards. Although I note that he sent one of his Managers to agree to my observations rather than agree to them himself.

STEP 2 - CONTEXT IS THE MAGIC INGREDIENT

If you’ve been following MyCorporateDiary then this would not be a surprise to you at all. Without context, communication fails, and no idea would make sense. What do I mean by context? It’s simple. A short summary on how you came up with your idea. That’s it. Just a short simple statement so that the audience knows what data points you were focused on that led to your idea. In that way, the audience can see the “journey” you went on to get to that idea and join you on that journey.

How short a statement? Try any of the following. These are meant to get you started only rather than be the complete list:

• When I look at point A and point B, I see this relationship forming, which makes me think idea x would make sense.

• If we examine point C further, idea y come to mind as we can leverage the following components of idea C.

• I would like us to consider idea e because if you look at points D and F, you can see a pattern forming…

By sharing how you go to your idea, the audience not only better understand where you are coming from, but potentially, they can leverage what you see and come up with further refinements or better ideas. This is the essence of teamwork. Even if someone else builds on your idea and creates a better one, you will still get the credit for getting the conversation in the right direction.

So there you have it. Two simple steps you can take easily to become more persuasive and get your ideas into the world.

Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels