Alter-Ego Trial 1: Meet my friend Bruce
/It works, but I'm still getting in my own way - by Phil W
So I have developed my alter ego. His name is Bruce. This may sound very silly, but Bruce plus my surname is almost the same as Batman's alter-ego. And that is the line I took in developing Bruce. He's not as rich as Batman but I've taken some of his key traits: self confident, quietly intelligent, and slightly mysterious (whether that came through or not is a different story). But.... most importantly, alter-ego Bruce is not constrained by society's expectations of him.
So, how did it go? I chose the 3 hour business planning workshop for the week. It was attended by some senior and very influential personnel in the company. It was also attended by some of my peers who go by the motto "... if you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it will create the consoling illusion that the problem has been solved". The only thing is, with these incompetent peers, swap "brilliantly" in the quote with "long enough using as many big words as possible" and you'll get what I'm dealing with. I've always struggled to figure out how to interject or call bullshit on these peers. Because of their ability to speak at length about nothing, they are always protected by senior people and I always worried what pissing them off would do. How on Earth do these senior people not see bullshit? Perhaps that's a topic for another time.... I'll look into what I can test and learn in this space.
So the day before, I wrote down what Bruce was like. What are my weaknesses that Bruce doesn't have, and I tried to picture how Bruce talks, thinks, and appears to people. Then 20 mins before the workshop, I started mentally trying to be Bruce. As I walked down the street, I reminded myself of Bruce's characteristics, trying to adopt his personality. I started looking at people on the street as if I was Bruce. Self-confident, quietly intelligent and not constrained by assumed expectations. At first it was strange and I found my brain resisting. I couldn't figure out why. But after persisting for a few minutes, the resistance faded. This must be what actors go through before a scene. *Action - maybe I should join an acting class to get this alter-ego idea down pat.* As I approached the conference room, I almost lost Bruce again as I realised that I didn't have an item that would trigger the alter-ego. With a slight panic, I decided to use my metal wallet as the trigger.
As I walked into the room, I forced Bruce's personality to the front of mind. There were already senior people in the room having a conversation. Unlike my usual quiet "hello" as I try to stealthily enter the room, a loud "good morning" came out of my mouth, boosted by its echo off the wall as I said it while I was closing the door. I was surprised - I'd never heard it before. More surprising, the conversations in the room stopped and the senior people turned to look at me, smiled and all greeted me. This is great! Exhibit A as lawyers would say to support their case. Importantly, with them greeting me, I felt like I was accepted as an equal.
As the meeting progressed, I kept reminding myself to be Bruce. Sitting broadly as Bruce would, and touching my metal wallet frequently to remind myself of Bruce's traits. When I had something to say, I would think about how Bruce would say it and then as soon as there was a gap, I'd step in and say it strongly, no positive sandwich, no belittling myself with "... this may be a silly point, but...". The point was said straight out "I think this would be an issue...". I found myself getting strong eye contact from senior people who'd normally avoid making eye contact with me (even when they were making a point to counter mine or in relation to mine). People who'd normally ignore me, openly stated they agreed with my points "Yes, I think Phil has raised a key point...". And I knew it was working, because my peers who can talk a lot about nothing, were starting to openly show that they were pissed off. They'd gone quiet and made points that were well and truly in their technical domain. Inside, my self confidence was growing. Each time one of these peers tried to invade my technical domain, I'd counter with either "Yes, that's a very good point" and build on it to demonstrate my technical expertise or say "No, I disagree. Because if you take it up a level...".
It was going well until the following words came out of my mouth "This probably pales in comparison to what's been discussed, but...". The moment I said it, I realised what had happened. I had gotten complacent, assuming Bruce would come to the fore each time I spoke. But my brain relapsed back into me. And boy did that bite me in the ass. The next point from one of my peers was "I don't think Phil's right, it IS the key point, it doesn't pale in comparison". Now, everybody knows I was trying to be nice by belittling my own point but it doesn't stop jerks from seizing the opportunity to use it to their own advantage. From that moment on, Bruce was gone. Even when I touched my metal wallet, Bruce wouldn't return. I didn't challenge those peers as strongly. I just couldn't find the mental strength. Luckily, the meeting was close to ending and I limped through to the end. As I returned to my office, I replayed the session in my head over and over and discovered what I think had gone wrong and quickly wrote them down:
- The backstory for Bruce wasn't strong enough. The alter-ego was compelling enough but the backstory wasn't relevant to me. I can't just imagine myself as Bruce Wayne, the playboy billionaire. It needs to contains plot points that are realistic and lines up with my personal experiences.
- I need something to constantly remind me to channel Bruce. The metal wallet didn't work consistently because it's not something I'd touch each time. I had to remind myself to touch it to channel Bruce.... plus I had to remind myself to stop fidgeting with it. And it takes just one relapse to my old self for Bruce to be gone.
- Importantly, I realised just how easy it was to relapse into my old self. Once the confidence the alter-ego gave me was gone, it was almost impossible to get back.
This was just the first time Bruce was deployed. I need to keep practicing so that Bruce would be there all the time. As Amy Cuddy in her book PRESENCE says, don't practice until you believe it, practice until you become it. Bruce will be back and I will return to tell you how he goes.
