Alter-Ego Trial 2: Bruce returns
/The Alter-Ego experiment works!!!!!!! - by Phil W
I wish I could shout it at you but technology has not advanced enough for me to do that with passion. If I'd written this blog in CAPITAL LETTERS, you'd think I was shouting at you with anger. But I digress. If I could shout it, I'd say that developing an alter-ego and then adopting him/her definitely worked in helping me break out of my introvert behaviours. In fact, every introvert should do this!!!! Every single introvert should do it now.
The trick to making it work is to make sure the alter-ego is believable and relevant to you. Where I had gone wrong was I tried to adopt the persona of Bruce Wayne. But the gap, or appropriately chasm/canyon between my personality and Bruce Wayne's was so vast, that only a superficial adoption was possible. The most I could embody was what I saw of him from the movies and for Bruce Wayne in particular, there are so many Hollywood variations of him, I couldn't quite land on one. Do I do the Michael Keaton version (the best in my view) or the short lived George Clooney version (yes, George played Batman) or do I adopt the playboy-esque version played by Christian Bale? The reality was, no matter which version I adopted, each version was so far away from my reality that there was just no way I could become them.
So, since the last experiment, I continued to develop my version of Bruce. I gave him a background story that was similar to mine, where he came from, what his key experiences were, and his personal attributes. I physically wrote down his background story (write it with a pen or pencil - don't type it; it's more personal this way) and his character traits, which were built on specifics that I wanted to embody from what I've learnt from other blogs, books, and movies. My alter-ego Bruce was close enough to my reality that it was actually believable. All I really changed were the traits that I were happy with, starting with my inability to speak my mind in public forums with very senior personnel present. Alter-ego Bruce, would have no trouble with this because he didn't have a career trajectory to worry about, and he didn't have personal obligations that constrained him. He could move anywhere he wanted to take any job he wanted.
With this new version of Bruce developed, I spent 20 minutes before the next big meeting (again with very senior personnel) trying to assume my alter-ego. I'd walk down the street and smile at girls as Bruce would (some smiled back, others just looked at me funny), I'd play out the meeting in my head as Bruce, focussing on how he would say things - emphasising the key words, and how Bruce would reject or object to other people's points. Politely but firmly. Importantly, I concentrated on how Bruce would react if he was wrong. Not just quietly whither into his chair but stand corrected. Taking lessons learnt from the last meeting, I made sure I had a mental note that I wouldn't get complacent. I'd make sure that I had my trigger (my metal wallet) handy.
Again, as Bruce, I walked into the room and boomed a hello to everyone. And once again, everyone gave me a hearty welcome. Some even tried to make small talk. The chair was busy trying to get the Video Conference equipment (VC) working by incorrectly adjusting the tv. Without even thinking, I reached for the VC remote and corrected the image. It was about 15 minutes into the meeting before Bruce had an opportunity to resurface. Instead of touching my metal wallet before I wanted to speak, I would touch it regularly, and it would trigger Bruce in my head and I'd listen like Bruce and be present in the meeting. I found that this meant that I could identify key points more quickly and call-out my thoughts more naturally, "what about this...." or "I'd like to build on that point...." etc. These are things I'd normally wouldn't say. Importantly, I found that I wasn't looking to these senior people each time I spoke, trying to use their facial expressions as a validation of whether I'm on the right point or not. I simply spoke my thoughts and I was comfortable with being challenged. Sometimes, I'd catch myself sub-consciously reaching out for my metal wallet after I spoke. It was as if each time I spoke, it used up an inner self-confidence, which needed to be replenished by touching the trigger item.
And just like last time, the senior people in the room agreed or built on what I had said but gave me credit for triggering their thinking in a certain direction. Before long, even the peers who are master politicians openly agreed with me. There was one master politician, who was infamous for consuming airtime without actually saying anything. Rather than be polite and look at him, I openly chose to face in a different direction and used my body language to demonstrate that he had abused his airtime.
Did this man get my body language? Probably not. But I realised a very important point, which I had missed in the first experiment. The alter-ego isn't about getting other people to see you in a certain way. It's about getting you to see yourself in a certain way. Why? Because when you have successfully done this, then naturally, other people will start to see you differently. Importantly, because you've changed your inner voice, you will come through as authentic, and not be perceived as someone over compensating for a weakness, or a master politician who knows shit all.
Before I knew it, the meeting was coming to a close. Had 90 minutes gone by that quickly? I couldn't believe it. I couldn't even remember whether I had triggered Bruce towards the end of the meeting. Had I become my alter-ego without it being triggered? It would be great it I had. But I'll need to trial it a few more times to be sure. However, one thing is absolutely certain. Developing an alter-ego and assuming that alter-ego does work in helping you to overcome your weaknesses.
- You just need to make sure the alter-ego has a background story that is realistic and you can relate to. It needs to be close enough to your own story so that you can become it. Don't take on a movie character because the chasm between them and your reality is just too vast.
- Your alter-ego doesn't have to cover every weakness at once. I think it's just not possible. So pick one or two weaknesses at a time that your alter-ego doesn't have a problem with. Once you've successfully changed them, you can then move onto another area.
- Importantly, practice, practice, practice. I've done it twice and each time I've learnt new things. I'm nowhere near perfecting this technique but already, it is showing signs of changing my behaviours.
- Remember, the alter-ego is designed to change you and how you think about yourself. It's not about changing how other people perceive you. This will come naturally, once you've genuinely assumed your alter-ego. Don't act, and don't pretend. You want to be authentic. Don't be perceived as a master politician.