Stop getting in your own way before it's too late

Lessons Learnt

• The sad reality of life is that very few people at work (including your bosses) are authentic and care about your career, your goals or your development. It's not right or wrong, it's just a fact of life.
• If you've had good bosses throughout your career, you've been lucky. But you've also been unlucky as the skills you need to champion yourself is most likely not there.
• You need to fix this now. Stop waiting for someone to push you into the spotlight, like a child waiting for a parent to correct a wrong. You're an adult now. Fix it yourself and fix it before it's too late and you become bitter and think the world is so unfair. 
• Life Superman, develop your alter ego. This isn't hard. Your alter ego is the actual you without the self imposed constraints based on incorrect assumptions. Develop a backstory to the alter ego, believe in it and then have something meaningful that helps you trigger the alter ego (don't put on a cape to trigger this alter ego, that'll just be strange).

The Story - by Phil W

Between Superman and Clark Kent (or Batman and Bruce Wayne or any superhero combination of your choice), who is the super hero and who is the alter ego? Have you ever thought about this question? It turns out, in the case of Superman, Clark Kent is the alter ego. Superman is his natural state but in order to fit in with the world's expectations of him, he chooses this geeky character that just flies under the radar (pun intended) and blends into the background. His true self comes out when a disaster is about to strike and he rips off this geeky alter ego and saves the world..... and usually the girl as well. 

This was the question posed in a Tony Robins Podcast I listened to recently, called "Amplify Your Strengths", with Todd Herman, who is a mental coach to elite athletes to help them reach their optimal performance. In the Podcast, Todd talks about how many of the athletes he coaches, hit a mental limit through incorrectly identifying which is their true self and which is their alter ego. In a sense, they sabotage themselves on the field.

The question really caught my attention and the more I listened, the more the concept made sense to me. As I replayed the major events in my career which generated the most amount of regret (you know the ones that you can't stop replaying in your mind and wished that you had said something different or done something different), I realised that I was the one who imposed stupid rules on myself that made me tongue tied or caused my brain to stop thinking. Who said that my views aren't important? Who said that as the most junior person in the room, I can't have good ideas? Who said that I was not allowed to disagree just because the point came from somebody more senior than me? 

Fuck me!!! Nobody ever said I couldn't do those things. Then I thought about the rules I had placed on myself and in life in general. Who said I couldn't say hello to that pretty girl? Who said that I couldn't tell the charity hustler who just wouldn't leave me alone to get lost? Who said that I couldn't send the food back to the kitchen when it was clearly undercooked.  Double Fuck me!! I had built all these rules in my head which placed all these limitations on me and my behaviours. These rules were built on what I thought the world expected of me. When in fact, the world didn't expect any of those things. 

The more I replayed my career, the more I came to the realisation that my progression to where I am was due to the good graces of the rare handful of bosses I had (introverts and extroverts) who took the time to see what I had to offer and took the risk to give me the opportunities to prove myself. They spent the time to help me see my potential and put me in situations that was hard enough for me to realise my potential but safe enough such that failure wouldn't destroy me. But bosses like these are few and far between. And, I didn't plan to work for them. It was just by dumb luck I landed in their teams. Had I not had these bosses, my career trajectory would've been very different.  The scary fact is, in reality, most people in the office couldn't give a shit about your career goals or you. Yup, unless you're lucky, even your direct boss couldn't give a shit.

Let's face it, you actually knew this fact all along. But this fact is so far removed from what you were taught in schools that you repress it and don't want to believe it. There's no right or wrong about it, it's just a fact. Forget what the hot HR lady says (or guy), forget what the company values say, it's all bullshit. The only person who can give you the greatest chance of getting to your goals is you! If by dumb luck you end up with an authentic boss then it gives you a boost. But most likely that is not going to happen at every turn. 

And that is exactly the position I'm in today. Through a series of company restructures, the support base I had built, the good bosses who I knew cared about me and I trusted, were either made redundant or no longer in positions of great power. That's the downside of being lucky and having good bosses by accident. The skills I should've developed to help me break my self imposed rules were not there. I felt lost and directionless, wondering what had happened and longing for the old days.  The Podcast revealed the uncomfortable truth that I have always known but have repressed as best as I could. I have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and change my behaviours. I have to champion myself in order to stand out. In the cold light of this blog, my thinking and limitations are almost childish.... to expect someone else (like a parent) to validate my worth, to champion my career. It reminds me of the book I once read - "Who Moved My Cheese". I read it almost a decade ago as I was trying to figure out why some older members of the team behaved in stubborn childish ways..... and now I catch myself almost becoming bitter like them... shaking my fist at the world and asking why the world is so unfair. Ridiculous.

So, I am going to take the advice of Todd Herman in the Podcast. I am going to develop my alter ego. I am going to give it a name, and a background so that it is real and believable to myself. I am going to develop triggers that activate the "real" me, not constrained by my limiting beliefs. This is my first test & learn for this blog. To make sure I do it, I've even captured this action as an action item in my Trello board. I will share with you how this process goes and how well it works.