Stop fooling yourself

Let's start this blog differently. For the moment, put aside all the bullshit management theories that you've picked up over the years, (like the ones you can buy at airports that profess to change your life in 30 minutes), put aside all the TED Talks that you've watched or podcasts you've listened to, and finally put aside your heroes. Let's be honest, in all likelihood, none of us will ever be anything like Steve Jobs, or Richard Branson, or Arianna Huffington. They are years ahead of us in innovation, thinking, in IQ (definitely not EQ), in courage, and are driven by a sense of passion and self confidence that in all likelihood they were born with. Hopefully MyCorporateDiary is contributing to pushing you along the same path and overcome some of the same barriers these famous entrepreneurs faced. 

However, there is one single barrier that nobody can help you with and all of these famous entrepreneurs have encountered and broke through very early in their life. It doesn't matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert, until you get past this single solid barrier, no blog post, no list of actions, no books, and no podcast is going to make an ounce of difference. I can write a million blog entries with a million subscribers, and test and learn all the management concepts to prove that they work, but none of it will make a difference to you until you break through this single barrier. 

So what's this barrier? Let's run through some quick questions and hopefully you'll start to see what I saw through all the emails you've sent through, and through my own self reflection. Now, answer these questions honestly (if you have to think about it, you're not being honest):

• In a year, how many books (e.g. anything that is non-fictional, is not a novel, and is not a text book for university or college) do you read? They can be physical books, eBooks, PDFs, or Audible.
• In a year, how many TED Talks (or anything similar) have you watched? Again, the content doesn't matter, just the number and frequency. 
• When you are inspired by something you've read, watched, or heard, do you go through it again? It feels good to get that sense of inspiration doesn't it? To know that you are not powerless and there is something you can do to change yourself.
• Over the last year, how many inspiring recommendations did you truly believed would make the biggest difference to you?
• Finally, of the ones that you truly believed would make the biggest difference to you, name one. Just one. What was the recommendation, why did you believe it would make the biggest difference to you? 

Be absolutely honest now with answering the intent behind the questions. If you try to make yourself sound better, or use logic and argue that the questions aren't clear, you're deceiving nobody but yourself. 

For most of you, I'm willing to bet that you can't remember with any clarity, a single recommendation that you truly believed would make a difference to your life. Sure, you might have some vague recollection at a high level as to what the TED Talk was about. But when you try to describe it, it's probably as vague and useful as a blind person trying to describe an elephant but never having seen one. Amy Cuddy's TED Talk is one of my all time favorite TED Talks. In fact, it's one of the all time most popular TED Talks. But if you asked me why and what were the actions she recommended right now, I couldn't tell you. I've even read the book. And yet, all I can say is that it's this blonde professor (yes, I'm a guy, my descriptions are limited) who says that you need to do something physically for a while before you will feel more confident. Yup, I can't go further than that. And this is one of my all time favorite TED Talks. 

Or books. Do you go through books like "Influence" or "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*cK" or "Crucial Conversations" on a regular basis. After reading one book, do you feel like you need to read another one, or get a sense of achievement from having completed a book and then congratulating yourself for ordering another one. OK, be honest, do you genuinely feel like you are getting smarter just by the fact that you have ordered a non-fictional book on Amazon or bought it from the Bookstore? Does the fact that you've just bought a non-fictional book give you a sense of hope that you can overcome your self imposed limitations? When you look at your book shelf, are you proud of the fact that you have all these world famous books in your collection, neatly lined up next to one another, and most likely in mint condition? Hint: a book after it's really been read, should not be in mint condition.

Yet, despite everything you have read, heard, watched, you are still lusting for that next book that you hope will give you an edge. Deep down, you are still searching for that "something". You've read a hundred books by a hundred successful people and yet you walk into a meeting room on Monday morning, and you are still ........ well YOU. Nothing has changed. You don't feel any different. And before long, you've completely forgotten anything you've read and you go searching on MyCorporateDiary for that next book recommendation.

Have you figured out what that single solid barrier is you need to get through? I'm here to tell you, that single solid barrier is YOU! Yup, pure and simple. Here's the truthful fucked up irony of reality. The more you want to improve, the harder it is to get started. We are inherently lazy and therefore, just reading book after book is our brain's way of justifying that we've tried. The more you see your flaws, the more you realize the amount of effort that is required. Psychiatrists say that recognizing the problem is half the battle. Bullshit! Recognizing the problem without the next step is like running out of petrol in the middle of a highway and saying to your companion "we've run out of petrol". It's just stating the obvious. Great that you've recognized it, but then the more you see you flaws, the more effort you need to overcome them. Soon enough, you have a mental picture of all the areas you want to improve upon, and with all the motivation in the world, you grab highly recommended content to try and help you improve and change those areas.

But if you don't take any action, even just one action from a single book, then nothing will change. The book "Influence" has six triggers that can help you to influence someone better. You'll read the book, get excited and motivated, and a week later, you might even be able to recall what the six triggers are. But I'm willing to guarantee, that after a month if I ask you to show me exactly where you have truly applied one of the triggers to improve you ability to influence, you will struggle. Maybe by luck you'll hit on an example but that's it. In fact, after month, I guarantee, you can't even recall what the six triggers are. I know. It's been three weeks since I finished the book and I can't recall any single trigger with clarity. I had to refer to my own book review!

You want to improve, you want the outcome of being a more confident person. You can even see what this confident version of you looks like. Yet you also see the giant chasm between the current you and the ideal you, get disheartened, and pull out. Or you try exactly what the book, podcast, or TED Talk recommends for a few weeks, see no change, and stop. You probably didn't even begin no matter how motivated you felt.

Improving yourself is a process and it starts with a single first step. Steve Jobs didn't become the Steve Jobs we know of overnight. He developed his personality over his lifetime. Made some big mistakes (after all, he was kicked out of his own company), learnt from them, and carried on from there. You need to take that first step yourself. Pick a single simple action that you've read, heard, saw, apply it to your life, and see if it works. What refinements need to be made, does it sit well with your personality, is it something you can do consistently? After a while, this single action becomes second nature, and then you can pick up another one and repeat the process. Over the course of several months, when you look back, you will notice a different you starting to emerge. This is the only way to improve yourself. 

So stop reading book after book after book. You should read one or two books a year, truly understand them, and apply them to get value out of them. Otherwise, all you are doing is building a very expensive library. As Einstein says "... any fool can read, the point is to understand."

Blog photo credit by Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash