Recommendation- Must read. I could not put this book down. It is pragmatic and refreshing all in one. It is the kick up the behind you need to get yourself into action.  My book looked like a porcupine by the time I finished reading it. Covered in post notes on each page where a great lesson or gem of a quote was captured.  Safe to say, there are a lot of good points in this book. I will be referring to it again for sure.

Key Points

My favourite quotes and lessons from the book:

  • Backwards law and why not giving a f*ck works. “If pursuing positive is a negative, then pursuing negative generates a positive”. For example if the pain you pursue in the gym leads to better all around health results and the failures in business lead to a better understanding of what is needed to be successful.
  • “The trouble with people who hand out f*cks like ice cream at a goddam summer camp is that they don’t have anything more f*ckworthy to dedicate their f*cks to”. In short if you are caring or bitching about things like “such and such said this can you believe, who do they think they are”, or “my day is ruined because my coffee was a latte and not a cappuccino specifically after I repeated cappuccino to the barista when I placed my order”… you clearly don’t have enough going on in your life to be wasting time and energy complaining about these thing.
  • “Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ck worthy.
  • “The true measure of self worth is not how a person feels about her positive experiences, but rather how she feels about her negative experiences”.
  • “Law of avoidance:  the more something threatens your identity the more you will avoid it. This is why people are often so afraid of success- for the exact same reason they are afraid of failure: it threatens who they believe themselves to be”.
  • “Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures. If someone is better than you, then it is likely because she has failed more than you have".
  • “Our culture today confuses great attention and great success, assuming them to be the same thing”[WP2]  We are obsessed in gaining notoriety superficially as opposed to going through the pain or going with out to achieve success. It is the process of going through the failures time and time again that leads to the successes. Someone who is more successful than you has just failed more and learned more than you have.

My Review: This is a great read, particularly if you have had a gut full of things, are at the end of your tether, in a rut or just need a shake up.  Actually, irrespective of what mindset you are in, this boldly coloured and intriguingly titled book will be sure to have some pearls of wisdom for you.

The book reminds the reader that the harsh certainty of life is death. It blatantly pushes to the for front of your mind, that life is short and you shouldn’t waste your f*cks on things that aren’t important to you. From a candid life experience Mark shares how he turned his life around. He realised that if there is no real reason to do anything, there is also no reason to not do anything. In the face of death by avoiding embarrassment, avoiding feeling uncomfortable, you are essentially avoiding being alive at all.

The book also explores that as you begin to reprioritise what you give a f*ck about, there will be repercussions and uncertainties initially. For instance relationships will change as the values you built these relationships on will begin to no longer be as important to you e.g from partying to studying or from casual flings to valuing marriage and a family.  On the topic of relationships, Manson also poignantly articulates that relationships are “not about giving a f*ck about everything your partner gives a f*ck about; it’s about giving a f*ck about your partner regardless of the f*cks he or she gives. That’s unconditional love, baby.”

I also particularly liked Mark’s comments around life in general being about not knowing. This was particularly poignant to me. In the past I would not apply for a role unless I knew with certainty that I could complete all the tasks required by the position description. In other areas of my life or work tasks I would overly prepare and think of all the possibilities. Irrespective of all the planning you do the best way to learn is by doing.  Mark captures a great point around this reminding us that when you don’t know something it’s best to start working on the problem and in the process of working on it you will figure out the right ideas. [WP3] I could not agree with this more.  Procrastination or overly pre-planning for an activity will get you no where. Just start doing and the answer and progress will follow.  Essentially fail fast.

Mark also explores the problems with entitlement. He explains that entitlement is what makes people need to feel good about themselves all the time, even at the expense of those around them. He also explains that “People relinquish all responsibility demanding that society cater to their feelings and sensibilities. The pampering of the modern mind has resulted in a population that feels deserving of something without earning that something, a population that feels they have a right to something without sacrificing for it.” This certainly resonated with me and was a good point to reflect on.

Recommendation: Worthwhile (but only if you have time and patience to get through the academic research)

Key Points:

  • Your brain and your mind are independent elements that can be separated.
  • Your negative behaviors or thoughts, often triggered by challenges or perceived failures are developed based on events you experienced throughout your lifetime.
  • By acknowledging this separation, you can rewire your brain patterns and change the self doubting messages you present to yourself.

My review: This book was introduced to me by my previous boss and one of my first mentors. As a partner at Deloitte, she always stood out as the only partner who was more concerned about her staff than when she can purchase her next toy or luxury holiday. As an introvert herself, she'd often notice the behaviors her team members displayed that weren't conducive to their optimal performance. She recommended this book to me after we've had several career development discussions. She had noticed my constant self doubts despite repeatable successes.

The core concept of the book is that your mind and your brain are two separate elements and that you can (with sufficient practice) rewire the way you think, which is based on the brain patterns that developed over your life time from events that you have experienced (e.g. our tendency for perfection because we were always told off by our parents when we made mistakes). A key proof point in the book is the example of a man who had lost control of his legs due to the damage caused to his brain in an accident. Through intense mental and physical therapy, the man was able to rewire his brain patterns, re-route around the damaged areas, and was able to walk again.

Therefore, the unhealthy mental traits we display (or the self doubting messages we mentally present to ourselves), which were developed based on past experiences, can be eliminated by re-routing our brain waves. This can be achieved through catching ourselves when these mental traits occur, interrupting them, and replacing them with a different message. Over time, this will change the way you feel about yourself and improve your mental resilience when faced with challenges.

For me, the concept itself makes a lot of sense and is aligned to several other management/business/leadership concepts. For example, Tony Robbins' has a similar concept in that "... the story you tell yourself both protects you from pain but also entraps you...". However, the book itself (almost 400 pages) is difficult to read and I struggled to finish it. I did eventually, but only by leaving it alone for a period and then coming back to it. The tone and level of detail is inconsistent throughout the book, ranging from heavy academic research details to novel like story telling of examples. The recommended actions are interspersed throughout the book and do require you to put the book down and try them out. You'll need to try them out over a period of time to get familiar with them. This just adds to making the book difficult to finish.

In summary, the book is worth a read and the actions are useful but be prepared to have several stop-start moments. If you are short on time, there are several other books with similar (if not the same) concepts that are easier to get through and gets to the actions quicker. 

Recommendation: A good read (easy to get through, relatable, refreshing, and supported by pragmatic recommendations and real life anecdotes.) 

Key points:

  • Be disciplined. If there is something you want to do, set time aside each day to work on it.
  • “Big life changes are made in small manageable chunks".
  • For those need to do things that are non negotiable, schedule them in.
  • Focus pocus: do one thing at a time. Multitasking is a myth.
  • Don’t set your standards too high initially – lower the bar. You need to start somewhere and once you have accomplished the first step you can then work towards the next. Sometimes setting the goal to high can causes unnecessary worry and stress and leave you feeling deflated.  

This book is a very easy read and something you could easy polish off in one sitting. Although to get the most out of it, it would probably be wise to pace it and make sure the contents sink in. The author, Sarah takes you through her journey from a high stress corporate career to getting her sh*t together and finding happiness. The rawness and openness of her experience are entertaining and refreshing. The approaches she sets out are easy to apply. The book takes you on a journey of tips on how to prioritize things, provides exercises throughout to get you to see how you can improve, and finishes with the good stuff…. some pertinent self reflection.  As Sarah puts it, it's time to get going to get all judgy judgy. You are asked to reflect on "Wow, the way I’m doing things obviously is not working. I am losing the Game of Life and honestly it’s all my fault”.

The book reinforced that sometimes the best thing to do is start. As an avid to do list writer these quotes particularly resonated with me:

  • You mistakenly view all the items on our to-do list as “must do” and you know you can’t possibly get them all done so are paralysed by inaction. 
  • You also might get to F*ck overload because you did all of the low priority things and none of the high priority ones.  Or maybe you did a bunch of things that weren’t even on the list.

It is ironic that as I am writing this I literally need to get my sh*t together with a few things on the to do list before going on holidays. Lucky I have read this handy how to book to get me there. On second thought I don’t think it wouldn’t hurt to read it again!

    Recommendation: Must read (No if's or but's. This book is a definite must read)

    Key Points:

    • Coming soon.

    My review: Coming soon.

    Recommendation: Must read (I will actually read this book again several times I am sure. It’s the type of book where the more you read it the more you will pick up).

    Key Points

    • If you are time pressed refer to the last chapter 11 “ Putting it all Together”. This provides all the tools and learnings from the book in a summary. I would make time though to read the book. It is worth it.
    • In conversations:
      • create an environment where the other person feels safe to contribute
      • Use soft language: the more tentative you speak the more open people will be to taking on your opinion
    • Before diving in to a crucial discussion understanding “what do I really want here” is critical. Sometimes we get caught up in our ego and forget what we want to achieve.  A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in baskets of silver- proverbs 25:11

    My Review: My boss recommended this book to our team. He literally is the best communicator I have come across and is one of the reasons I joined his team: to learn from his brilliance in positioning things with stakeholders, the team and his peers. He is a master communicator so if he had recommended the book I was keen to read it. What an awesome recommendation it was.

    This book provides all the tools to succeed in any sticky conversation referred to as a “crucial conversation” both in your personal and professional life. It’s incredibly easy to read and provides tangible examples of the theory so you can really comprehend what a difference these techniques can have when applied. The beginning of the book provides a quiz for the reader to assess what their communication style is under stress. The book is then structured with chapters on each of these styles so you are able to refer to the specific chapters where your weaknesses lie first and then refer to the topics that will enhance your strengths if you so choose.

    During reading this book I began testing and learning the techniques in my personal life and it had a profound impact. It completely changed my mindset and triggered me to see things from the other person’s perspective and not get too emotional. It gave me a sense of control and made me not get so hurt by the other person’s actions. The quote from the book that changed this mindset for me was “why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do what this person is doing”. It made me see things from their perspective, have more empathy and not be so sensitive.

    I would almost say this book is a play book to the dialogue of your life. It provides a very simple approach to dealing with any conversation. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I have been fortunate enough to get to attend one of the crucial conversations upcoming courses so will be sure to provide a review on key lessons learnt from this.

    Review Coming Soon

    Review Coming Soon

    In Review Backlog

    In Review Backlog

    Recommendation: Worthwhile - will need to read more than once - assuming you get over the initial cynical reaction to the philosophical concepts being presented.

    Key Points:

    • The differences between men and women are based on the concept of polarity (think North Pole versus South Pole).
    • The male polarity is biased towards actions, outcomes, and results (think conversations with men, which must always have an end or action).
    • The female polarity is biased towards constant change, and regeneration (think "I don't want a solution, I just want you to listen").
    • Polarity is a spectrum in which males and females deviate towards depending on the situation. Sexual attraction occurs when the poles are furtherest apart between two people. 
    • To truly live a fulfilled life, you need to recognise polarity, be able to feel emotions (your own and others), and do your utmost to give what you soul purpose is.
    • Stand out quote "If you only had three days to live, who do you have to be, what do you have to become to die fulfilled".

    My review: I first came across this book when I was listening to one of the Knowledge for Men Podcasts with Wade Walters. I looked up the book and checked out the reviews on Audible. Given the concepts described in the introduction blurb, I was expecting it to have reviews of no more than three stars. However, of the 68 reviews on Audible and 919 reviews on Amazon.com, the book has an almost FIVE STAR rating. For a book that talks about ethereal concepts such as polarity between masculine and feminine, I was surprised it had that many reviews and was rated that highly. Needless to say, I was very intrigued.

    I downloaded the Audible book, which was narrated by the author himself. The benefit of the author reading it himself is that the important points that need to be emphasised are done so at the intended place. The first 10 minutes or so, I have to admit that the cynical side of me kicked into high gear. I wanted to find specific actions I can take to improve myself and become a superior man. Instead, what I got was this concept of the three phases of growth (e.g. Phase 1: make money for yourself, Phase 2: make money to look after your family, Phase 3: give yourself (not necessarily money) for the greater good), followed by the concept of masculine and feminine polarity. My initial thought was, did I just waste some hard earned dollars to hear some random ethereal concepts. However, the book was only five hours long so I figured, it can't hurt to continue listening.

    I'm glad I did because strangely, after the first 10 minutes of having the concepts being repeated to you, slowly the logic begins to get clearer and as more examples are given and you cast back to your own personal experiences, the cynic in you quietens down and your brain starts to listen. The key concept of polarity makes perfect sense. Everyone is biased towards masculine tendencies or feminine tendencies (regardless of your physical gender). Masculine polarity is about actions, milestones, outcomes. Those who are more masculine (generally guys) focus a lot on getting to a finite point in time and in life (e.g. if there is a problem, I need to solve it). The feminine polarity is about constant change, focussing more on the journey rather than a finite point (e.g. when you have a new house, the feminine is happiest in the journey to decorate the house and fill up space). This makes perfect sense and explains the age old complaint most guys (generalising here) have heard from girls, which is "I don't want a solution, I just want you to listen to my problem". Attraction between two people occurs more when the poles are at the greatest distance (as in during sex). Polarity is a spectrum and people move along that spectrum as the situation dictates. If two people are similar in their polarity state then sexual attraction will not occur. The key applicable point in the office for me is once you've identified which pole your colleagues are naturally in, you see them in a different light because once you've accepted that it's their natural tendency, you automatically learn to navigate your interactions with them. For example, if a guy you work with talks a lot (or whinges), it may be that they are biased more towards their feminine pole and you shouldn't try to give them a solution. Just listen, pick out what useful intel you can, and by the end of the session, they might actually find you to be quite a sparkling conversation partner, even though you didn't say much.

    The disappointing concept in this book is the one around the three phases of growth. While most of us established in our careers are likely to be in Phase 2, there is very little on actions that push us into Phase 3. The author keeps repeating that you need to find your deep seated purpose in life, and give this purpose to feel fulfilled. But at no stage does he tell you how to do that other than to relax, breathe, and put time aside to focus on it. This was what I was hoping most to get out of the book, but sadly, I didn't pick up any actions. Perhaps I've missed it. I'm listening to it a third time, and if I get to try out the breathing concepts then maybe I'll figure it and report back here.