How to know when to give-up

Lessons Learnt

This week has been a big “aha” moment for me. For all those Oprah fans you will get my drift. To sum it up, I learnt something that has been enlightening and put all the pieces together on a challenging time in my career.

To set the scene on this challenging time:

A new manager had been brought into the team with the promise of industry experience and being a real performer who delivers. They did however, not have the technical experience required for the role. Being a reforming people pleaser and wanting to make sure it was a smooth transition into the team, I went out of my way to upskill the new manager on the technical elements of the role. I admired their tenacity to take on the position in an area where they had no immediate experience but as we were told had industry experience.

It soon became apparent that they were not too interested in trying to upskill or take on board assistance from the team in learning the technical elements required for the role. Rather, it came across that their focus was on managing perception.  The number of emails that were sent to the team and the boss on a Friday or Sunday evening were an indicator of this “perception” piece. We were constantly reminded with a caveat “not to call rank” that they were the manager and we were their team.  We heard numerous times a day how they had previously led a large team and what they used to do.  The leader was also a master delegator. They accepted all work and requests from the boss without any consideration of the priority or the team’s capacity.  The situation was made even worse as they didn’t have the technical experience to understand the complexities of what was involved in the tasks they were agreeing to and how unrealistic the promised timeframes were.

If the boss mentioned something in passing, it became a priority, irrespective of how trivial the request was. The emphasis became less on the quality of deliverables and more on making them look great. The team became stressed, trying to manage our time, completing what were once irrelevant tasks, on top of our existing workloads, which we were being pushed to deliver in even shorter timeframes.  The nature of the work is not something I was comfortable to cut corners on so it meant working longer and longer hours. When I explained to the manager the time involved to get tasks done and why it took that amount of time, it fell on deaf ears. Instead I was told the work had to get done as the boss wanted it so there was no compromising.  

Their management style was not bringing out the best in the team or me personally. Previously everyone chipped in and got the work done with minimal stress. I reflected on the new manager’s style of leadership being very hierarchical and dictator like. In their previous roles this type of instructive leadership had obviously worked as they had glowing reviews. In our team, however, where the work required analytical problem solving and things were not so black and white, this type of leadership didn’t work well. Instead we felt like idiots who could not think when we were given step by step instructions who were far below the manager.

I found that the harder I worked, the more credit and the better the manager looked.  It got to the point where enough was enough. I realised I could no longer operate in this environment. My days and weekends were being consumed with work, I was constantly getting sick. I dreaded going to work and felt sick when I’d see messages pop up from the manager as I knew it would mean more work. It just wasn’t an environment where I could do my best work or contribute the best value. The persistence was not paying off.  

I am not one to give up easily, I like to stick things out and make the most of the cards I have been dealt. I could see the manager had lots of strengths that I could learn from but this was just not the role for them. Knowing my work ethic and what I am not prepared to compromise on, I could not see that things would get any better working in this environment. I didn’t want to let the team down but I had to do what was right for me. I personally could only see the situation getting worse and I would continue to work long hours and become unhappier. It was time to look for a new role.

What a positive decision this has been. I’m now working in a team where I fit in, feel safe, appreciated, energised, can do my best work and actually look forward to coming to work. Something very refreshing. Most importantly I am a lot healthier and happier.

So where is this aha moment you are probably thinking. Get to the point!

Over the weekend I started reading Susan Cains book “Quiet”. Within the first chapter Susan explores leadership styles. Susan explains extroverted leadership works well where teams are passive and respond well to explicit instructions. While a more consultative leadership approach is more effective with introverted team members who are by nature more proactive in their work ethic and think ahead for solutions as opposed to doing exactly what has been instructed. This was the aha moment for me. My previous manager’s style had obviously been effective with their prior passive team but was not working with our more introverted team who were used to being proactive. The cause and reason for the stress our team experienced was there in black and white. The leadership style did not suit the team being lead and it was as simple as that. There is no one leadership style, it needs to adapt to collation of individual behaviours and expectations within the team.

Persistence will not always pay off. It’s better to call it quits and move on to bigger and better things. Its ok to move on.

Key Lessons Learnt

• Don’t be a dog’s body from the onset. Set boundaries. Work hard in work hours but keep your weekends for you. You can’t give from an empty bucket so you need to make sure you take care of yourself.
• Different management styles work in different teams. One is not right or wrong. Getting the wrong leader for a team can have a big impact!
• Identify your manager’s style and work out how you will need to communicate and operate to ensure their objectives are met while maintaining your own happiness. As my bosses boss has said, you need to take the moral high ground. Work out how you can work best in the situation.
• If you are working in a stressful environment prioritise even more the things that bring you happiness. If you know there will be frustrations during the work day, make sure your after work hours are filled with things you look forward to.  It will relieve your stress and also mean you are more productive when you are at work.