Dealing with the Office Jerk - Part 1
/Key lesson learnt
- In office politics, it's better to be present and have a chance to influence the outcome than to be completely out of the loop.
- The office jerk would most likely have thought about how to make you look like a jerk. I guess that's kind of what makes him/her a jerk.
- Don't fall into the trap and respond to a jerk straightaway. This commits you to a position and limits your range of options.
- Office politics can occur even in the smallest of events such as responding to a jerk's meeting invite.
The Story - by Phil W
So here goes. With trepidation, excitement, and not knowing why anybody would be interested in my views, I launch into my first blog post. And of all the office events I could've chosen to blog about, I chose to share with you my experience this week in dealing with the office jerk.
Everyone knows of someone who is "the office jerk" (as a male, I can only describe the male attributes but there must surely be a corresponding female version as well). You know who I'm talking about. That person in the office who thinks his every thought must be aired, who deliberately makes a loud entrance into meeting rooms, who blatantly steals other people's ideas, and every sentence uttered is projected with an air of self importance and self promotion.
To set the scene, let me describe my office jerk: John (his name has been changed to protect me). In a Financial Services corporate office environment, this middle aged, lean shaped man, prides himself in always wearing attire matching the description of a cowboy. Brightly coloured checked shirts with the top button deliberately undone (showing off what little greying chest hair he has) and tight fitting pants or jeans with brown coloured actual cowboy boots. In meetings, John would passionately put his points on the table, then with short sharp language, challenge other people's opposing points (e.g. "why the hell would we do that?"). Every question that John raised comes from a position of how he could use the information to make himself stand-out . John would've been a "brilliant jerk" if his tactics weren't so obvious. Before big meetings with CEOs, John would talk about how he'll challenge their decisions. Yet, when the CEO asks him whether he disagrees with a decision, John would just nod his head or raise some fluffy politician's answer. In one meeting not long ago, John had just joined the Steering Committee of Project A. As a group of senior Risk Executives, we were debating why Project A was doing much better than Project B. Out of the blue and with all seriousness, John proclaimed that Project A was succeeding because he had joined the Steering Committee. His presence was enough to challenge the Project towards success. I looked at the other Risk Executives in the room, and we all had the same facial expression. Was it disgust? No. Was it anger? No. It was the universal facial expression of shock! The jerk had managed to "shock and awe" us into silence. How do you respond to such a "jerkish" statement?
This week, John decided to go one better. Having been away for a few weeks, John was out of the loop on the progress of Project A and Project B. His fill-in came to the same meetings but it was obvious John had not briefed him. Other than taking notes, this poor fill-in could do nothing more. After the first weekly meeting on Monday, John realised that he was out of the loop. He did his usual thing of asking questions that might help him to show others just how much detail he was across (e.g. he'd ask how about many defects remained but cared very little on how quickly the defects were being resolved ). As we've all caught onto this trick, others in the room pretended not to know the answer.
Realising that he wasn't going to get anything from the meeting and not willing to look into the 5 page SteerCo pack himself, John sends an invite out, titled "Joint risk team approach - rethink". Intentional or not, the title itself suggests that while he's been away, we had not been doing our jobs. The content of the invite was just as short. No salutations, no context on why he wanted the meeting, no thank you or sign-off. Just one line that says "To get an update on how Project A and Project B is going". Oh and the invite was for a meeting room on his floor and in his building (the organisation is spread across multiple buildings in the city).
The more I read, the angrier I got. And then, I mentally blew up when I saw how the invite fitted into my schedule. It didn't!! John's invite came right over the top of existing meetings all of the invitees had. And I knew this wasn't a mistake. In our office, you can clearly see when people are free (and where they're located) when you send out meeting invites. He just couldn't be bothered checking whether we were busy or not. I read his invite as him "summoning" us to his office. What. The. Fuck!!! You want to get an update from me and use what I know to your advantage and you don't even have the goddamn courtesy to ask politely!!
I was so consumed by anger that I became unproductive. I wasn't present in any meeting. Each time I tried to focus on the task at hand, this single sentence invite would push its way into my mind and I'd feel angry again. Like water coming to the boil, I can feel the level of anger rising. Each time, I'd have to stop what I was doing, mentally push the anger away before continuing on with the task. 10 hours later as I headed home, my mind continues to focus on this insulting invite, and each time I think about it, I get angry. I went to bed thinking about it.
The next day, as I checked my emails, the jerk sends a reminder to respond to the invite. It was obvious that the other invitees had felt insulted too and refused to respond. This gave me some comfort that I was not being overly sensitive. In fact, I smiled a little thinking that the jerk was maybe sensing he had made a mistake. In reality, I doubt it though. Not caring about what others think or acknowledging mistakes is the jerk's trait.
I have a one on one with my boss and I thought to raise this with him. He is a very seasoned introvert but has managed to climb the corporate ladder without giving off the sense of self imposed stress that most very senior introverts have (mental note to interview him). I described the situation to my boss in detail; how I felt insulted, how I was proud that I refused to respond, and how my peers also refused. My boss sat back in his chair. Tilted his head up and thought about what I had just said. This was not the reaction I was expecting. As a fellow introvert, I thought he might congratulate me on my resolve and how in tune I was with my peers.
After about 5 seconds (it felt like minutes), he looked at me and said "Always take the high ground. It's better to suck up the insult but be present to influence the outcome than to be out of the loop completely". With that one sentence, I felt annoyed and disappointed. Annoyed because I thought he didn't seem to acknowledge how I was insulted. Disappointed because I knew he was right. On reflection, part of the reason why I was so angry was because I knew that I had to attend as much as I didn't want to... and I knew that the jerk knew this too! If anything, the jerk was probably seeing who he could catch out and inform the CEO of who was not being a team player.
Seeing my mixed feelings and that I was processing his sentence, my boss then said "But you don't have to give him everything. Force him to compromise from the outset. He's come over the top of your meetings, tell him you can only attend part of the session. Oh and make sure the other attendees know you're doing this." Why? Because by doing so, I've called him out on being a jerk and not considered other people's engagements without making myself into a jerk. And I knew the jerk would see exactly what I was doing too. If he reacts to such a reasonable statement, then he'd be a double jerk. I believe in Chess (which I'm not smart enough to play), this is when you say "Checkmate".
With this advice in mind, I responded to the jerk. "John, I will attend but as this meeting clashes with my existing meetings, I can only make the first half". I didn't include a salutation or a sign-off though. I am not a saint after all. I consider that a small retaliation for the insult I felt. As I reflect on the event, I realised another learning point, as angry as I got, I didn't respond straight away. I didn't reject his invite nor give him a piece of my mind. Had I done either of those actions, I would've been out of options. And had my peers responded, and I refused, then I risk being perceived as the small minded jerk number 2. As the day came to an end, I realised I had stopped thinking about it. As you go through your career, people say focus on the big picture. What they don't tell you is how focussing on the big picture applies to tiny almost insignificant events such as responding to insulting meeting invites.
Now I wait for the meeting to occur. I'll reflect on that meeting in my next blog once it's happened and detail what the jerk does. I bet he'll come in with another checked shirt and his top button undone.
Phil W.