Dealing with the Office Jerk - Part 2

Ok, so we had the meeting. The Jerk showed up on time but instead of a checked shirt, he had on a white shirt with skinny jeans, and brown cowboy boots. And yes, his top button was undone with chest hair showing. 

Nevertheless, all the invitees showed up. Not a single person complained about the rudeness with which they were "summoned" (despite their refusal to accept the meeting invite - I can see the meeting remains tentative in their diaries). It was lucky that I took my boss' advice and stayed on the high road, and it was lucky that I hadn't responded straight away.

In the heat of the moment, I would've given him a piece of my mind via email (cc'ing all other invitees) and refused to attend. Had I done that, I may have been the only one that didn't turn up and give the Jerk a reason to call me a Jerk as well and ammunition to inform others that I'm not a team player. Interestingly, I had asked some work colleagues not involved with the scenario to review my first blog and tell me what they thought. Believe it or not, despite my protests in the blog, they overwhelmingly said that I was the one who came off as petty. The Jerk was always going to be a jerk but you'll be a bigger jerk for responding in kind. Isn't that ironic?

As it turns out, had I missed the meeting, I wouldn't have missed out on very much and despite my initial misgivings, the meeting was actually quite dull. No fireworks, no arguments. To his credit, the Jerk showed up on time (which isn't normal), kicked off the meeting acknowledging that it was so that he could get up to speed on what was happening with the two Projects, and wrapped it up by thanking everybody in attendance. It didn't stop him from insinuating that things didn't seem to have progressed that much without his presence but taking the high road, I chose to ignore it.

Interestingly, not long after I posted my first blog, I received the latest email from "Barking Up the Wrong Tree". It's a free weekly post by Eric Baker from UCLA, who collates scientific research on certain office topics, summarises them into a single email and sends it out to his subscribers. His latest email was titled "This is how to overcome bullies at work". 

You can read his blog in more detail by clicking on the link below. But I've summarised the 7 steps he recommends everyone takes and you'll notice those 7 steps aligns with the advice I received (and prevented me from turning into the jerk). In short, always take the high road - but make sure you stand your ground. Based on my experiences, I'll say Eric's advice is spot on.

1. Always verify your interpretation of an action before reacting. If you feel like the victim, you can bet the jerk probably also feels like the victim. (That one minute conversation with my boss probably saved me a lot of political capital).
2. Don't assume a white knight will come to your rescue. Unless the jerk's actions are serious (e.g. violent), nobody else will come to your aid. (This is in line with why none of the other invitees took action or expressed their displeasure).
3. Take time to think and if the jerk is in action then ask for time to think. This not only gives you time to steady your emotions, it also forces the jerk to reassess his actions. (Me not responding straightaway to the insult I felt most likely saved me and gave me time to consult my boss).
4. Don't offer explanation or argue. This gives the jerk ammunition to fight back, which is exactly what he/she wanted. (Not quite applicable to my scenario but I can see how this works if the jerkish action is playing out in front of you).
5. Take command and slow the pace down. Be the rational one which will highlight the Jerk's jerkish behaviours. (The calm email I sent stating that I will attend but only for a portion of time given it overlaps existing meeting speak to this).
6. Put the focus on actions and resolution. This blunts the jerk's attacks and forces him/her into a thinking state. Again, you become the more rational being. 
7. Worst case scenario - walk away. If you've tried all of the above and the jerkish attacks continue, get up, state that you will return after a set time when the jerk is more rational and walk away. In this way, you take charge of the situation, and everyone can see you're the rational one.

To read Eric's blog, click on the "Source" link below.

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