Today, I completed my 30 day challenge. 30 days of speaking with 3 strangers. 30 days of managing the fear that arises for introverts when speaking with strangers, 30 days of wondering how to extend a conversation beyond "Hello", and 30 days of running the risk that someone is going to look at me and judge me, think of me as a freak,  or tell me to just "f*ck off!!"

30 days have passed and I can tell you, none of the negative worst case scenarios I had conjured up in my head happened. Think about it for a second, 30 days of talking with 3 strangers. That's a total of 90 strangers. On average, I probably came up with two worst case scenarios for each stranger. That 180 worst case scenarios I had conjured up in my head and not a single one happened. From girls/guys on the street who might mistakenly think that I might be trying to pick them up, to people who think I might be strange, or worse, people who think I'm trying to sell them something. All of these terrible scenarios came up in my head each time I targeted a stranger to talk to. But it never happened. In fact, the reverse happened. I found that most people wanted to talk and would be happy to engage in conversation. From strangers on the street, I learnt things that made my life more colorful, and from people I interacted with regularly but never went past "how are you?", I made new friends that made a bad day feel better. Here's a few of the more meaningful conversations:

• I asked a stranger on the mall who had a massive nose ring whether it hurts to have that thing dangling from his nose. This simple question turned into a five minute conversation about why he did it and the fact that it hurt when it was pierced but he doesn't feel it anymore. The only time it hurt was when his former girlfriend ripped it off. That's a whole different story I didn't want to get into.
• One of the baristas in my favorite coffee shop is called Stuart. On quiet afternoons, he would offer me free extra shots of coffee and talk to me about his plans for his upcoming barista competition and what color his hair was going to change to. Who knew there were such competitions. 
• There is another barista Jen. I made the effort of genuinely asking her how her day was and what she got up to on weekends. She loves to bake and on special occasions or when I've had a bad day, she'd give me free cookies or muffins.
• I told a lady on the street that her shoe laces were untied and I worried she might trip over. She looked at me funny at first. But when she realized that's all I wanted to say, she gave me a massive smile to thank me and said it's actually already happened that day. She commented that it was a nice thing I did to tell her. You can imagine how my day went after that.

The above is just a tiny selection of all the interactions I've had in my 30 day challenge. But even if the above is all I've had, my life is just that little bit richer. And all because I decided to ask a stranger the questions/thoughts/comments that flash across my head. If this is the positive effect that arises from speaking my mind with strangers, imagine the effect of speaking my mind at work in the office? Now isn't that a perfect situation for a "test and learn".

But above all else, I discovered towards the end of my 30 day challenge that it has had a massive effect on me. I feel more positive and more confident in myself when talking. I look people in the eye, smile, and engage in conversation, even when they are not part of my 30 day challenge. Towards the end of my 30 day challenge, I actually wanted to talk to more strangers or just go through the thinking of what I'd say to a stranger. On the days that I walk the 7KMs home after work, sometimes, I'd not see anyone I can talk to (i.e. they're running past or riding past) and feel disappointed that I can't experience the joy of discovering something new.

But importantly, I knew towards the end that the process has significantly improved my self confidence. I know this because the following situation happened. It's small but significant, and as introverts, I'm sure you'd all understand. On some days, I'd catch the bus home from work. Due to the many different bus routes that travel along the same street, there are occasions where the bus driver would accidentally miss a stop. When it happens to others, I'd often see people not say anything and just wait until the driver gets to the next stop. They'd rather walk the extra distance back to where they wanted to get off than shout out so the driver knows a stop has been missed. Needless to say, on occasions where it happened to me and the bus went past my stop; not only would I not say anything but I'd actually sit down and pretend as if I had meant to get off at the next stop. Yup. Pathetic isn't it. I'd thinking through in my head all the reasons why I shouldn't say anything. The most common one being that somebody else might say it for me and the driver would stop. On the occasions somebody did sing out, I'd look at them in admiration. Why couldn't I do that?

So on one Friday afternoon, part way through my 30 day challenge, I was on my way home. Pressed the bell as usual and as we approached my stop, the bus did not slow down. In a split second, the bus went right past my stop. Before my brain even started to think about it, the words came out of my mouth: "Stop please driver!". It was loud and clear. I saw the driver look at me in the mirror and he immediately slowed down and pulled over to the side. He then apologized and opened the door to let me out. As I got off the bus, I shouted back "Thank you" and "Have a good one". 

As I got off the bus, an older lady also got off and she thanked me for asking the driver to stop as that was her stop too. I felt like I was on cloud nine. As I walked home, it suddenly hit me. What the heck just happened? This isn't something I would do? Call attention to myself to say my stop had been missed?!!!! Then say to the driver to "have a good one". Who am I? What had just happened? But you and I know exactly what happened. My threshold for introversion has been raised because of the 30 day challenge. Drawing attention to myself to say my stop had been missed on a bus full of people was now in my mind a normal thing because in comparison to speaking with strangers, it was a no-brainer. My brain didn't even have the chance to think about it. The words just came out of my mouth to say what was on my mind.

Yes this scenario is a small one. But all introverts would agree, it was an important point in my journey of self improvement. Imagine if I had done this 5 years ago. Imagine what my life would be like now if I had done this 15 years ago. In work, in life, in relationships. But better late than never. 

I implore you all to conduct your own 30 day challenge. You don't need to speak with 3 strangers a day. Pick a threshold that works for you. Take notes and reflect at the end of each day how you went. But most importantly, recognize your own bus stop moment. When that moment hits, it will be an indication that you have now moved another notch on your journey of self improvement and breaking your introvert bonds.

Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash