Yes! I quit my job and here's why.
/“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
Yes, I quit my job! There are probably hundreds of pertinent quotes from people far more successful and far smarter than me about quitting their jobs, but the one above from Albert Einstein resonates most with me and the reasons behind my decision.
This blog post probably isn't going to give you a specific action to take to help break your introvert limitations. But I wanted to share with you something that is very personal. Having reflected deeply on my decision (both pre and post my resignation), I am hoping that some of the things I share here will be of help to you if you're in the same situation or spur you into action. *Warning - this blog post will contain some ranting too*
After nine years at the one Financial Services organisation, deciding to resign was one of the most difficult decisions I had to make. I agonized over it for weeks. One reason for dragging it out, was that I wanted to talk through the situation with senior people I trusted and seek their advice. But the main reason for the delay was in case I was overreacting to my thoughts and some of the events and poor behaviors that I was unfortunate enough to observe or find out. The funny thing was, none of the events or poor behaviors had anything to do with me. Yet I found that they profoundly impacted me and triggered my mind to ask a very unfamiliar question about the alignment of corporate values with my own. To illustrate just how unfamiliar this question was, I'll admit that until recently, I never fully understood quotes regarding leaving an organisation when its values are no longer aligned with your own. I've always found these quotes to be a bunch of airy fairy baloney that don't apply to resilient, high performing leaders like myself. So why do they affect me now? Was it really that the organization's values have changed so much that the divergence is forcing itself into my consciousness or was it something else? Turns out, it was absolutely something else that gnawed away at my core in silence and created holes in my mindset that allowed bad behaviors or events to impact me more than they should.
Before I get into my rationale, let me first set the scene so that you have the right context. Since a new CEO took over in late 2015, the organisation embarked on a new direction. An admirable vision was established to offset the strategic risks brought on by technology and changing consumer tastes, which we could all see coming down the pipeline and threatened our business model. To deliver on the vision, the organisation went through three company wide restructures with countless smaller restructures instituted within each business unit and department. It felt like every week, some department somewhere was restructuring. The portfolio of business units I looked after averaged one restructure a quarter. There were literally colleagues who I'd be speaking to one week and when I emailed them the next, I'd get a message to say their email address did not exist. Having had three bosses in less than 24 months, I'm proud to say that I was consistently rated a high performer and with consistently positive feedback from the portfolio of business units I supported. Not only that, the team that I had built also consistently received positive feedback from their customers, including unsolicited nominations for internal service awards (some of which they won and were recognized for). On a personal level, each time a restructure rolled around, I was confident that I would not be impacted. And I was right. Each time, the leaders above me would go to great lengths to convey to me ahead of time to not worry so that I wouldn't think about leaving. So overall, my role was safe, I had a great team, I had customers who valued me, and my pay was excellent (even without the bonus). The hours were OK. I averaged 10 to 11 hours a day which was nothing compared to what I'm used to in the consulting world. So life was pretty good right? Sure, I had to work hard, but the positives greatly outweighed the negatives.
As with any organisation going through change, there's bound to be some turbulence and some major office jerks will arise. After all, promotion is more about who you know, rather than what you know, and what you've achieved. During this time, I observed some very poor behaviors being carried out by my peers or senior leaders; like leaders who would openly berate their direct reports in public or in meetings with external participants? There was the famous example of a C-suite Executive who loudly berated one of her direct reports in the lobby of our building..... which was also where our Concierge was located!! Or the case of leaders who weren't challenged on their drastic turnover rates (out of a team of 35, after 18 months, only 2 members of the original team remain) or leaders who were suspected to have forced staff to resign rather than grant them permission to take a period of leave to recuperate from potential stress related illnesses? Then there were the multiple incidents where poor performers were just kept on, just because their leaders didn't want to have difficult conversations about performance?
As negative as these events were, none of it was happening to me and really should have had no impact on me. But for reasons that I didn't know at the time, each time I observed or was made aware of such events, this vague sense of discomfort would arise in my stomach. Was it because I sensed the unfairness of the situation? Was it because I was disappointed in the behaviors of my peers and senior leaders who should've known better? Or was it really because these negative behaviors (which were being tolerated) were really that divergent from my altruistic morals?Perhaps there is an element of all of the above but I'm afraid the main reason is much deeper and more selfish. It took a while for me to get to the cause but eventually I identified it and caught it gnawing away at my foundations that let such events impact me more than they should.
These uncomfortable feeling first started as just minor thought bubbles that would rise up silently in my head for a split second and then pop. If the thought bubble didn't pop, I'd bring up all the positives of the situation and use them to pop the bubble.
But as time progressed, the bubble became more and more difficult to pop. Each time, I would do mental pros and cons about staying versus leaving. Each time, even though the pros of staying on paper looked like they outweighed the cons, it got harder and harder to be congruent with this mathematical outcome (yes, I'm a nerd, I assign weightings to the pros and cons).
Eventually, two factors stood out as the ones that caused the most discomfort in supporting the case for staying:
- What had I achieved or contributed? Don't get me wrong, it was crazy busy; with a reduction in staff and a ramp up in deliverables. But each deliverable felt like they were either reacting to something (e.g. a question from the Board or Regulator or from some random interaction), or to give the impression that a box had been ticked. Why did it feel this way? Because it was always one deliverable after another but no deliverable was ever implemented because the focus always shifted onto the next shiny issue. And every deliverable was a priority. One of the partners who I looked up to at KPMG used to say to me "... you can always tell when the purpose behind a project is undefined when every activity on the flight plan is a priority one".
- But the thought bubble that really made me uncomfortable was... what did you learn today? 24 months, three restructures, and three new leaders later, have I grown professionally and personally? Have I learnt something new, either about myself, or obtained a new skill? It's important to note that this thought bubble wasn't about career progression or progression opportunities. It was simply asking whether I've moved forward in my own development. The answer was a resounding NO! Yes I've been crazy busy, yes I've been getting positive feedback. But I was busy doing what I was comfortable doing and in many cases, what I'm good at doing. I was busy doing what was well within my comfort zone. Heck, I could've probably slacked off a little and still delivered to the same standard.
On paper, this should be the dream situation to be in. I'm well paid, I have a great team with skills that are sought after, and as a unit, we have a great reputation for delivery. It's should be a wonderfully comfortable zone to be in. So why did I feel so much discomfort? Are you ready for it? The answer is this. If I became comfortable with this situation, it means that I've given up and settled. Resigned to letting forces outside of my control dictate what I can learn, what skills I get to develop in, and what my next steps will be (if there is one). Over time, I might become one of those long term employees, who are well paid, but have been in the same role for over a decade, and is always grumpy and grouchy. Always complaining about not being recognized for their contributions and reminiscing about their hey days.
Now don't get me wrong. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who love their roles and are content to stay in it. The job situation is congruent with their desires and they do their jobs with the utmost enjoyment (save for the few bad days) through sharing their knowledge and helping others. I know this because my wife is like that. Her enjoyment comes from the fact that she's done a great job. Her bad days are caused by not performing to her own expectations (or the occasional office jerk). A promotion or a pay rise does not interest her... and that is perfectly fine.
BUT. And this is a massive BUT. I'm not that kind of person and staying still and not learning or developing new skills will make me cynical, grumpy and grouchy. It was already happening. Most days I'd come home moody, taking it out on the dog (not physically - no need to call the RSPCA) or just don't want to interact with anyone. Before going into the office, I'd take a deep breath, give myself a pep talk, and remind myself that it's not so bad. But we all know this isn't sustainable and 24 months of this was my limit. I could feel myself grudgingly moving towards just accepting my fate and settling. I know this because I started arguing for settling with phrases in my head like "... hey, it's not so bad..." or "... at least the pay is good..." or "... the coffee in the lobby is wonderful and you've just made friends with the barista...". When reviewed in the glaring white background of this blog post, it is more than clear that those phrases just sound utterly ridiculous.
So it is with this clarity of reason that I decided I needed to quit. Now, I'm not quite the hero I want to be and quit without my next role. After all, the mortgage and bills still have to be paid. So I started looking and a timely phone call from a former consulting client helped set in motion a series of conversations that landed me a role in another organization. It's a more demanding role where I need to build up an entire department commensurate with the size and maturity of the organization. Will it challenging? Absolutely. Am I a little scared? You bet. Do I question my decision? Almost daily. Would I make the same decision to quit if I could go back in time and do-over? You bet your ass I would. For me, growing professionally and personally with the opportunity to learn from other people trumps comfort any day of the week.
Is changing jobs a risk? Heck yes! But like I've said in a previous blog post, doing nothing is also a risk. In fact, in most cases, doing nothing is the biggest risk of them all.
So here's the action I would like you to take; if there is an element in your life you'd like to change or hasn't progressed for a while, don't settle. My example was about development at work, but there are many other aspects of life where the same principle applies. In your relationships (romantic or otherwise), in your social skills, in your communication skills, or even technical skills. As Tony Robbins mentions in his book Awaken the Giant Within, raise your standards and decide what you will and won't accept. Then take action to progress towards the version of you that you want to become.
Blog photo by Bethany Legg on Unsplash.