The difference between you and the millionaire

Ok, I'm going to air in public, what I dare not air at home. For if I do, it'll create arguments, and misunderstandings that will make my home life very miserable. Please reserve your judgement to the end. I am running the risk of coming across as petty and small minded, but for the sake of this blog and making my point clear, I need to be honest. As that is the only way I can convey what I've discovered and the only way that you can see exactly what I'm saying. So, here goes. Warning: this is one of the most honest blogs I have ever written and perhaps one of the longest. But bear with me and you will see why it's worth to read through to the end.

I. AM. ENVIOUS and JEALOUS of my brother in law! From the moment I first met him 15 years ago, I immediately realised that he was one of the most spoilt and self centred people in the world. Don't get me wrong, deep down, he is a very nice and caring guy. BUT he is very spoilt. My mother in law treats him like he is the king of the world and can do no wrong. When she visits, she stays at my house and when he comes to visit, she lights up with excitement. Spurring into action to prepare all sorts of meals for him, checking in that the dishes are what he likes and they are the right flavour. Similarly, with my partner. She will tell him all sorts of secrets and seeks his advice, like a little girl looking to gain approval and attention. My partner and I once had a major argument because I had asked her to go see the Australian Open in Melbourne, to which she said no, supported by all sorts reasons including the price and the inconvenience of having to travel to another city. However, a few days later when my brother in law suggested exactly the same thing, she immediately said "yes" and what a wonderful idea it was. She then turned to me and asked me what I thought then saw the upset look on my face. When I explained why I was upset, she pretended not to understand or remember. This is the one time I didn't control my emotions in public, to the point where it got so awkward that even my brother in law was trying to tell her she was wrong. My pet dog goes nuts when my brother in law shows up at our house. He runs circles around the guy, asking for attention, and to be held and patted. When I come home, most of the time, my dog couldn't care less. He either ignores me completely or bursts out the door to pee. Yet, I'm the poor sod paying his medical bills, feeding him, and getting up early to walk him.

But the petty bit isn't done yet. My brother in law is a brand fashionista. His wardrobe only contains branded clothing, and I don't mean Country Road or Calvin Klein. No, no. I mean brands like LV, GUCCI, and PRADA. In fact, he loves PRADA so much, he has a leather PRADA iPhone case that costs about as much as the iPhone itself (by comparison, I have a Belkin iPhone case that somebody didn't want anymore). In fact, just last weekend, he spent $1700 on a pair of PRADA shoes, which weren't available in Australia. He got his friend to call PRADA stores around the world, eventually locating them in Shanghai, China. As they wouldn't ship to Australia (for reasons I will never understand), so he arranged for them to be shipped to Singapore, where his friend's parents will then ship them to Australia. The most expensive pair of shoes I have is $200 and I've been wearing them for two years. They've been resoled twice, and the heels have been refitted three times. I'm still not thinking about buying a new pair. When he walks into a PRADA store, the salespeople fawn over him, especially when he flashes his well worn Platinum AMEX around. When I walk into a PRADA store, the salespeople look at me with a sense of "do you really belong in here?". If only they knew how shiny and new my Platinum AMEX card was given it's lack of use.

What really gets my goat is how "lucky" my brother in law is. I joke that he can take a stab in the dark and strike a pot of gold. If I take a stab in the dark, I'll strike a pot of shit. Finding parking is the perfect example. When we go out to dinner together, he'd find often find parking right in front of the restaurant the moment he arrives. I'd find parking three blocks away that costs me money. The luck extends to the wealth side of his life. In investments, I'd research until the cows came home and count myself lucky if my investments don't go backwards. He'd just read the paper, plonk $10k into a number of risky mining companies and low and behold, they all provide amazing returns. Professionally, he is a dentist. I'd never forget the moment he graduated and got his first job with a salary that was almost as high as mine. But I'd been working for 10 years already by that stage. He'd buy an apartment without research, open up new dental practices without research and seemingly strike gold each time. Once, he told me that he was "so sick of having holidays". I really felt like punching him in the face at that point. In buying my Apple Watch, I spent two months researching and thinking about whether I should or not. He came with me to the shop and decided on the spot that he'd buy one too..... which he's worn for just a week and then decided to go back to his Rolex. 

By now, you're probably thinking that I'm just a petty, small minded individual. But, be honest. We all probably have a family member or a friend who is exactly like my brother in law. Not content with just feeling envious and jealous, I started to think long and hard about what is the difference between him and me. We both work hard with similar moral and ethics. So why the difference? Is he really just "lucky"? 

The answer you want me to say is not really. But the truth is, you already know that luck does play a role. However, luck is when opportunity meets preparation or as the common quote would say "Fortune Favours the Prepared Mind". We can't control fortune, it comes when it wants. But we can control our own mindset. We can control what we focus on, how we spend our time/money, how we interpret a situation, and most importantly, we can control what we actions we take. And that is the advantage that my brother in law has, which he himself doesn't even realise. He once said that he's "...just awesome, why wouldn't fortune favour him". And you know what, he is right. His mind is tuned towards opportunity, always open to ideas, instead of what could go wrong and what are the rules he needs to follow. His formula to life is firstly what do I need to make this work then followed by what would stop me. However, for most us, when opportunity comes knocking, our formula to life is the reverse. What could go wrong? What are the rules? Do I have enough money? I don't have time. By the time we've answered these negatively focussed questions, we're convinced ourselves that the opportunity is not worth it. Then over time, we simply shut our eyes to opportunity.... and like me start to grow envious of those who seem to be so lucky.

In reality, what I'm envious of isn't how lucky or successful he is. What I envy is his ability to so willingly bend the rules to succeed. I am jealous because I'd love to think like that. But when I was young, I used to think like that. In Primary School I wanted to be an astronaut, then in High School I wanted to be start my own airline. Day and night, whenever I'm not studying, I'd trace the outlines of the types of aircraft I'd have in my fleet, the colour scheme, and their individual names. I was a big Boeing fan so I wanted to have 747s, 777s, and 757s in my fleet. As you can tell, that dream was heavily embedded in my mind. 

But somewhere along the way, those dreams and ideas, no matter how small took second priority to the demands of life. Instead of trying to figure out how to make my ideas come true, it became focused on paying that next bill, keeping my job (no matter how crap it was), and saving to buy a house, a car, a suit, etc. Instead of thinking about possibilities, I concentrated on thinking about how to budget my fortnightly pay to meet my needs. I started to develop what is commonly called "a scarcity mindset", where the focus became about what you lacked, or how to meet your immediate needs. After a very short while, you forget that there is more than what you have to deal with day to day. But most critically, as you progress in your career and realise the time, effort, and sometimes tears you've invested into it is so significant, your sole focus becomes about protecting what you have built. If you happened to have built a family and some assets, then they further add to the feeling of needing to protect what you have. Any opportunities that come along, you assess simply as too risky. Anything that feels unfamiliar is rejected. You want to be in your comfort zone. Soon, you don't even want a promotion as not only are you unsure whether you'd successful in the new role, it threatens the routines you have built. You may have to travel more, work longer hours, etc. It's not hard to see that even if an opportunity were to come knocking at your door, all you'd do is say "no thank you" and return to your comfortable routine. 

So this is the difference between me and my brother in law. I am envious of his lifestyle but I am jealous of his mindset. A mind that is open to opportunities. An abundance mindset. Once you open your mind to seeing what opportunities exist, even just thinking about all the ideas that you had and doing just a little bit of research to figure out how to make it happen, you will get a sense of joy, and a rise in your self confidence. That childhood dreamer comes back, and you will sense the opportunities that exist. Soon, in every conversation, in every meeting, you start to pick up on ideas, how to do things differently in the office, or how to influence a situation uniquely. Your mind becomes open to joining the dots. I know this, because this is the reason myCorporateDiary exists. All the podcasts I've listened to, I started to see themes and I started to realise, I could do my bit to help. I thought I couldn't figure out how to develop a website, but with a little research and a little imitation, the website was started. 

Don't just take it from me. Take it from all the brilliant minds that have stated the same thing but perhaps in not as obvious fashions. The abundance mindset is the key message in Tony Robins' teachings (mindset, story, strategy), in books like "Think and Grow Rich", and "The Secret" to name just a few. It's the same mindset that famous entrepreneurs and innovation champions like Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, and Elon Musk display. 

In the end, try it yourself and you will know exactly what I mean. Just list down three ideas you've had, do a little research into how to make them happen, and I promise you will start to feel what I feel. Even if your ideas are so bold, it requires billions to get off the ground, just thinking about them and taking the action to research into what is required will get you back onto the path of an abundance mindset.

Photo credit by Jay Castor on Unsplash.