Strengthen what you say by removing weak phrases

“No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”

— Robin Williams

How far and how fast your are promoted or how quickly you progress towards your own goals in your career is directly related to how well you communicate. If you can’t get your ideas across clearly and concisely, people lose interest and no matter how great your idea is, nobody will be listening. When that happens, you lose your self confidence and stay silent. When it happens often enough, you go into a downward spiral where you stop speaking up in meetings, and people stop expecting you to have ideas.

Especially as introverts, we are uncomfortable tooting our own horn. This often leads us to add a whole lot of disclaimers the moment we open our mouths to try and downplay our own significance. But as we’ve articulated in previous blog posts, if you don’t think that what you have to say is significant, then why should the audience pay attention? If doesn’t matter if all you are doing is being modest. Your audience don’t know this and frankly don’t care. Believe me, removing these disclaimers will not only strengthen the significance of what you are saying but you will still be seen as modest.

So here are the common disclaimers that we should remove straight away and strengthen what we have to say.

SORRY

• “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that…”

• “Sorry, could you say that again…”

• “Sorry, this might not be a relevant point, but…”

• “Sorry to interrupt, but…”

That last one is perhaps the most telling as to why you should reduce the number of times you use the word “sorry” or its many other iterations such as “apologies”. Why? Because ultimately, you are not sorry. By saying “Sorry to interrupt, but…”, what you are essentially saying is that you don’t want to interrupt BUT you’re going to do it anyway. By even saying the word sorry, you have already interrupted the person speaking. So go ahead and make your point. If the person speaking is annoyed at being interrupted then he/she would rather you sooner reach the point for your interruption than wait for your apologies and disclaimers.

Now, there are cases where we should say “sorry” and that is when we are genuinely are sorry. However, we should stop using the word sorry as a disclaimer to pad out our point or to make ourselves feel better.

If you need a stepping stone and you feel that removing the word sorry is too big a leap, then try posing the above in question form:

• “Can I interrupt?” - Most people will say yes or otherwise ask you to wait until they’ve finished their point.

• “Can I put this thought forward?”

Just be careful you don’t do it too often and unnecessarily because then it just becomes annoying (e.g. the colleague who always says “Can I say something?”).

Downplaying

• “This might not make sense, but…”

• “This might not be relevant, but…”

• “Perhaps this is irrelevant, but…”

• “I might not have thought this through, but…”

There are too many iterations of the above to list here but you get the point. You are trying to sound modest by calling out a fake weakness before you make a point. But what you are inadvertently doing is downplaying your point and creating in the audience a low expectation in what you are about to say. If it’s been a long meeting or one that is low on energy, and you downplay your point, then there is a low likelihood that the audience will be paying much attention to what you are about to say.

Don’t get me wrong, using the above examples sporadically is OK. But it’s the repeated use across multiple meetings that needs to be cut out of the way you speak. In the one meeting, you can perhaps use it for the first point but that should be about it.

A few years ago, I was in a workshop with 11 other participants who all wanted to make a point but all wanted to do so with fake modesty (e.g. they wanted to be heard and dominate but didn’t want to be seen as doing so). The workshop ran for a lot longer than it needed to be because everyone was doing a combination of this disclaimer and the one above in the form of:

• “I’m so sorry to interrupt, and I haven’t really thought this through, but…”

Fillers

• “Actually, could you…”

• “… just …”

• “… like …”

• Um, ah, etc.

This is one that we’ve covered previously in our blog post on Minimise Fat from your Writing, but the same rules apply to when you are speaking. I have a friend from High School and he would start every sentence with the word “actually”. I can’t even fathom how I’d train my brain to do this but he would use it so often that even the teachers would openly ask him to stop saying it.

But I’m pretty sure that there are filler words that I use frequently that would be annoying to hear and weakens what I have to say. The word “just” is a very common one in the workplace. According the blog Ladders, the moment you use the word “just” as a filler, you start to sound like you’re making an excuse even if you didn’t intend it to be. For example “I just thought that…” or “I was just trying to…”.

So make a conscious effort to be aware of the fillers you use when you speak, maybe record yourself as I’ve done a few times, and listen to the tone of your voice and annoying filler words that you use. Then write them down and become aware of when you use them and slowly eliminate them when you speak.

I’m no expert

I hear this a lot in my profession and even from very senior people. This is used when you’re trying to not take accountability for what you are about to say. By saying “I’m no expert…”, what you’re trying to do is put a point on the table and then saying to the audience that they should use it with care and at their own discretion. Sounds good in theory right. But everybody can see through this facade and the more senior you are, the more you are expected to be accountable for not only achieving results but also for what you say. If you put a point forward, stand behind it.

I feel like…

Expressing your feelings and emotions in one on one meetings with your boss, your direct reports, or your mentor is great. But when you are making a point in a meeting, in the majority of cases, you are likely to be using it as a filler:

• “I feel like we are not making enough progress…”

• “I feel like we’ve gone off track…”

Again, using this sporadically is not an issue. But when it front ends every statement you want to make, it becomes an issue and weakens what you have to say. If you have a point to make, go ahead and say it.

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels