A key realisation you need for success in life
/“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.”
I may not be an extrovert but I'd like to think that I have enough knowledge and experience to survive most situations that life throws at me. In fact, most of us probably think along the same lines. Sure, there are always improvement opportunities like learning how to become more outspoken, or learn a new language, or how to minimise our tax bill. But all in all, we all think that we have at least the fundamentals covered in life. However, a recent violent incident shook that comfortable feeling, and made me realise that I have glaring gaps in my knowledgebank, which would render me useless in some of life's slightly more challenging situations.
As a man, I am very embarrassed to recount this incident, which made me feel inadequate and ashamed. But I am doing it here to illustrate an important realisation for everyone.
So here goes. On a recent Saturday, I was doing the regular chore of grocery shopping with the family. For me, one of the most mundane tasks I can imagine, especially as someone who is not blessed with the talent of cooking. My wife needed some cash so we headed into the local branch where the ATM was located with our shopping trolley and my 3 year old. Being a Saturday morning, the branch was still open with several customers at the counter. We entered the branch behind two people. One was a buff and big Pacific Islander looking male, with a tank top and shorts. His companion was a skinny Caucasian female. Not wanting to stereotype here but her walk, demeanor, and facial expression suggested to me that she was under the influence of something. Although I made this observation, I didn't think too much of it. After all, I shouldn't judge based on first impressions and really, it's none of my business.
We stopped just inside the front door where the ATMs were located while the two people walked further in towards the counter. My brain must've switched off at this point because I can't remember what I was doing while my wife was withdrawing money. But the slow going nature of the day was dramatically shattered by a loud shriek, and general commotion coming from the counter area of the branch.... then I heard "He took my money, he took my money, that's my money".
I looked up to see a panicked elderly Asian lady pointing at the buff Pacific Islander looking male and repeatedly saying "he took my money" and "that's my money". It took a few seconds to register but I very quickly realised what had happened. He had literally just walked into the counter area, looked to see who was withdrawing money, and then reached across and grabbed it. As the situation registered in my head, I also realised that I was actually standing by the entrance and the buff male was charging straight for me. He wasn't running, but he was making big, purposeful strides for the door. And the only thing between this charging rhino and a successful exit was me. He was definitely taller, wider, and more muscular than me.
A hundred thoughts quickly flashed through my head about how to stop him. It's the right thing to do. I could demand he stop, I could just stand my ground and delay his exit, I could strike a Kung Fu pose. But, I did nothing! I did absolutely nothing. The rhino just walked right past me without so much as a glance. Then his slow walking companion strode past me too. She still looked out of it. But it was what I did next that made me really ashamed. I looked towards the counter area where the elderly and by now distressed Asian lady was and put on my best "what just happened" facial expression. As my wife completed her withdrawal, the branch staff were on the phone with the cops and we exited the branch.
For the rest of that morning, I was deep in my head. I felt upset at what I had witnessed, I felt disappointment in myself that I did nothing, and I felt ashamed that I pretended not to know what happened. I tried to calm these feelings with excuses like, what if he attacked my family or what if it was his money and the elderly lady was mistaken. But time heals all things, and as the morning wore on, I started to feel a little better, except for one deep, ego destroying realisation.
I don't know how to fight. I'd like to think I can but the reality was, I don't know how to defend myself, let alone defend my family. In my mind, I don't know one of the most basic, fundamental skills I needed in life. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been in fights before. But that was in high school. The sad reality was, if the above situation were to repeat itself, I would again do nothing... and even if I did do something, I'd certainly lose big time.
This event has taught me an important conclusion. On our journey of self improvement, of breaking introvert limitations, it will also reveal to us life gaps, which we should also heed. If I wasn't on this introvert breaking journey, I wouldn't have spent the time to reflect on the incident and realised just how many experience/knowledge gaps I have, which I should know in life. I don't know the basics of how to fight, or how to cook, or appreciate alcohol. And that's not OK. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is pain and if I'm not careful, ignorance could turn into physical pain too.
So on top of taking small actions to address your introvert limitations, balance it out with actions to address life skills. Learn the basics of cooking, learn the basics of self defense, and overall, just learn. It could be as simple as watching a Youtube clip and then trying it out yourself.
Blog Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash