“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am not going to be silent.”

— Madeline Albright (former first female US Secretary of State)

One of the key challenges I've struggled to overcome was the ability to speak up. I don't mean in the sense of being brave and approaching strangers but basic things like:

Asking a simple question that is bugging me and would like little to no effort for the other person to answer. There's just this silly mental barrier blocking me. I'd think that I've asked too many questions already and shouldn't ask anymore.
Putting a thought forward even in a safe and comfortable environment. A thought that so clearly nobody else has seen, yet I hold myself back. I'd think, the fact that nobody has mentioned it then it means my thought was worthless. In hindsight, this is always so obviously not true.

This TED Talk by Adam Galinsky is one that I have watched many times. Especially before big meetings where I'd be in a room with people far more powerful than me (or at the the very least appear more powerful than me), I'd often stop myself from speaking up and putting my thoughts forward. Sometimes, the power divide is so vast that my brain literally shuts down. It just sits there. The smart and powerful people in the room will make the decisions. I'm just an order taker. Give me an instruction and I'll go and execute.

This is such rubbish! One of my mentors said to me that the fact I'm in the room with powerful people means that I've done something right to be there. The fact that I'm there means these powerful people want to hear my thoughts and ideas. Don't just sit there silently. If you do, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You sit there and don't participate. You wait for instructions. Pretty soon, the powerful people who invited you in will wonder what on Earth they were thinking.

Tactical Actions

So on top of advice we've experimented with and proven that they work to raise your self confidence and prepare you mentally to speak up (breathing, victory pose, etc.), here are the specific actions from Adam Galinsky you can apply in the meeting itself to maximise your chance of speaking up.

Oh, and there is also one bonus powerful action from one of my mentors, which I have applied and it has worked very well. So I wanted to share it with you and not keep it a secret.

1. Ask for advice

Nobody ever dislikes anyone who comes to them for advice. Why? Because they are now invested in your outcome since they took the time and effort to give you advice. If you fail, it partly implies that they gave you bad advice.

So in a meeting, if you’re worried about whether your point is worthy or not, then start by seeking people’s advice as padding before you get onto your point. Start with clarifying questions before leading into your comment such as:

I think I’m onto a key point but could you help clarify [topic A] for me first before I expand on my point.
I'm unfamiliar with the context, can you quickly bring me up to speed? Oh so that means [x,y,z], which leads me to think….

2. Leverage someone else’s point

This is known as the “mama bear” effect. Use someone else’s point as a launching pad onto your own point. That way, you don’t feel like you’re starting from scratch, and by leveraging another person’s point, you’ve eliminated one person who might object to you.

To help illustrate this powerful effect, think of the following examples (Jeff is fictional, I don’t know any Jeffs):

I think Jeff is right. If we look at Jeff’s point from [x,y,z] perspective, I believe that [points 1, 2, 3] are also valid.
Yes, that’s right, and we can expand on this to do [points 1, 2, 3].
Jeff has a point. He’s hit on something here. Can we examine…

3. Leverage your expertise

Sometimes, the conversation will touch on an area we’re passionate about, even if it’s ever so lightly. However, we naturally feel more confident to speak about a topic we’re passionate about (assuming we don’t get so excited we forget to breathe and verbal diarrhoea comes out). Just like the previous action, leverage this connection with a topic you’re passionate about as a launchpad to raise your point.

Bonus Action. Create an ally

[Definitely do this] Speak with one of the powerful people beforehand (preferably the one who invited you) to make sure he/she deliberately seeks your opinion. Especially if they observe you being quiet for an extended period of time. Because obviously you've mentally shut down.

Blog photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Further Reading

How to easily command respect in a group

Commanding genuine respect, one that doesn’t rely on your position power is one of the hardest things to do for an introvert. There are five simple actions we can adopt straight away that can help us to establish our presence in the room and command the attention and focus on what we have to say.

How to be Value-Adding

Being seen as value-adding is one of the biggest planks in the foundation of your career success. Here are four simple steps you can take, which if you do consistently, will guarantee that you seen to be contributing meaningfully at work and maximise your chances of promotion and success.

Looking confident while working remotely

It’s hard to project confidence while on video calls. It acts like a barrier that stops us from achieving the best version of ourselves. Be it the sound quality or just trying to get your message across amongst the traffic of voices all trying to chime in at the same time. Here are six simple things to do that will give you the best chance at projecting the best version of yourself on a video call.

How to overcome Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is the single biggest blocker to introverts recognising the best version of themselves. The rapid heart beat, sweat, and mind blanks cause us to lose our perfectly thought through logic. Instead, a jumbled mass of words and ideas come out. The solution isn’t to stop feeling anxious. It is to recognise it and then start focus on the people you are speaking to.

Confrontations - Doing it the right way

Confrontations need not be daunting and one sided. The traditional leadership theories that focus on feelings and behaviours aren’t wrong. But they are missing a core component that make a massive difference. There is a simple framework from Simon Sinek that ties it all together.

STOP your nice guy / girl behaviours

Stop saying yes when you want to say no, and learn to prioritise your needs first. Nobody else is going to make your career goals come true except you. There are simple steps you can take now to stop sabotaging yourself through your nice guy / girl behaviours.

Being the best version of yourself while Working From Home

Don’t let the pandemic cause you to regress on your self improvement journey and fall into the comfort trap while working from home. Take charge of your new routine and refocus on these six foundation steps to get back on your self-improvement journey and use this opportunity to become the best version of yourself.

The key to demonstrating confidence

Your ability to demonstrate confidence is key to your career success, progression, and getting what you want. If you understand frame and can hold it in any interaction, then you will come across as confident. Here are some simple but highly impactful techniques you can use to project confidence.

The key to promotion for introverts

The key to promotion for introverts is to unleash our deep thinking and put them into practice. The mindset shift is to realise, you have to demonstrate you are operating at the next level before you actually get promoted. There is a simple way to demonstrate this by changing what you say and do when you encounter an issue. Use this principle to change your mindset and you will find success.

How to be charming as an introvert

There are a few simple actions you can take, to be as charming as Keanu Reeves, who is a stand-out as an introvert in a very extrovert dominated industry. It doesn’t require you to pretend to be someone you are not, but these five simple actions, give you the tools to embrace your introversion and use them to genuinely connect and interact in the most value-adding way. You will be both charming and unforgettable.