The ironic truth to winning the race

Why I said no to opportunities

Slow and steady wins the race - Aesop

It's OK to say no to opportunities

MyCorporateDiary Blogcast

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As many of you who have been reading this blog for some time will know, I am a reforming and often lapsing people pleaser and have been tyring my darndest to improve. But as they say, nothing is meant to be smooth sailing though.

A pre-disclaimer this is a bit of a long post.

I have been having horrible stomach pains for ages. Initially I thought it was because of coffee then I tried taking out certain foods from my diet to see if that triggered it, eliminating alcohol, lactose, gluten blah blah, the list goes on. Whenever I would have a presentation or something important, I would have a nervy tummy. Anyway it seemed to be getting worse no matter what I tried, so I went to the doctors. I did all manner of tests to detect conditions such as coeliac, stomach ulcers, and ultrasounds to check it all out. Nothing at all was found. I must admit I was a bit disappointed it wasn’t something the doctor could just give me a pill for and I would be good to go and no longer be fearful of the next onset of cramps. But no…. after giving my results, the doctor asked me what I was up to work wise and the rest. I explained the work situation, doing the MBA, and a few other projects blah blah. After a poignant pause she said “well maybe this is your body telling you, you are doing too much”.

I left the appointment thinking well it’s good it’s nothing serious, but how the hell am I meant to fix it. I went on doing what I was doing, still having the cramps. Then something weird happened. Over the Christmas break (two weeks off), I was on holidays, I started eating all the things I thought I shouldn’t be eating. There were no dramas. I had no stomach issues at all. It was bizarre.

Back into work, projects, and uni after work and on the weekends. Bang! The cramps were back again. Coincidentally I decided to kick off the year and in the spirit of new year's resolutions I undertook an "I quit sugar" program. The program lasted for two months and involved completely eliminating all added sugar including eating fruit for four weeks so your taste buds could recalibrate and get used to a more savoury palate. I’ll spare you all the details. Why am I going on about all this you may be thinking now….

Well an interesting thing happened…… in the process of detoxing, my body was so fatigued. I would come home from work and be exhausted. I remember one day on the weekend, I felt like I couldn’t function and slept all day.  No longer was I getting the spikes of energy from sugar to keep me going when I was slumping from fatigue. The spike I would need when I was up early to write the assignment, finish off a paper in the afternoon or stay up late to study. My body actually had to cope "el natural" with good food and no stimulants. And cope it did. The tummy cramps were gone.

Safe to say it was a shock to the system. After the first few weeks, I felt great. I no longer craved something sweet at 3PM, I was sleeping like a baby, and my focus was razor sharp. However, without the stimulants of sugar, I found that I actually had to listen to my body. Something I had never done. I always prioritised the deadline, the assignment, the presentation. Really all at the expense of my own well being. It was a rude shock. I couldn’t keep up with everything I had on my plate without having to sacrifice a lot of sleep. Without the added stimulant of sugar, I found that this wasn’t really an option. I couldn’t keep up.

Let me tell you I did try it… I got up early to study or work on other activities before work, went to work and then came home to do more study. I actually started to wonder what else needed to be done. However, I found that I started to feel resentful. The resentment came from missing out on sleep, which made me cranky, missing out on catch ups with friends and family and time to do creative things I really enjoyed or plan a holiday. Then because I wasn’t getting enough sleep and having the stimulant of sugar to perk me up and keep me going, I found myself getting snappy and cranky. Definitely not to anyone I dealt with during the day, oh no I held it in. By the time I got home I was so exhausted I found myself getting short towards those I loved the most. That’s when I realised… argh this what the doctor is talking about. I really have taken too much on and my body is trying to tell me to SLOW DOWN.

So finally, and finally at almost 30 year of age, I came to the realisation that there is no hurry to get it all done. Something has to give and I realised I was not willing to become a bitch and be snappy to my loved ones or ultimately burn out. I had to have a good hard look at what I was doing and work out what I would have to let go for the moment to get back to being happy. I felt like a failure in saying no, but I knew it was the only option.

I had to say no to a project I had already said yes to. I felt awful about it but knew in the long run I would end up letting the team down. Then it came to uni and work. My role had changed and the workload had increased. I found myself absolutely shattered from work and then to go home to study and get up early in the morning to study. It all became too much.  So another ‘no’. I decided to defer for the semester. Gosh did I find that decision tough. I felt like a failure. I’d planned out all the subjects I would do this year to fit in with a holiday and also so I would be able to finish the degree in two years and now that was all off schedule. I was racing to get it done rather than making the most of the process of learning.

I have always been one who just gets it done. I felt like a failure because I wasn’t getting it done by deferring. I guess it was just this time I was more aware of what the cost of getting it done was and that was not something I was willing to compromise. Even so, I still felt like a failure. There were a few nights initially where I had a cry when I got home feeling like a failure because of the decisions I had made. Then I realised, hey who really cares. Its not a race and as they say, slow and steady wins the race. I just had to get more comfortable with running my own race in my own time and not rushing to get it all done at once. Plus, on a positive side, I no longer had tummy cramps and was back to my old happy self. I actually listened to what my body was telling me as that wise doctor had suggested and what a massive difference it has made.

So there you have a it a big personal development journey but here are my key take aways from it all:

• Listen to your body. Sometimes we are so caught up in rushing to achieve things we miss focussing on what is really important to us.
• Don’t be too hard on yourself the only person who has to be comfortable with the decision is yourself. You don’t win a prize for getting it all done and burning yourself out.
• It's ok to choose the path that will make you happy even if it is not the one you think is expected of you.
• You are never locked down to a situation there are always other alternatives.
• If you find you are no longer feeling like yourself maybe you have taken too much on. Perhaps have a think about the last time you did something fun that may be a good indicator of where you are at.
• Success is not measured by the next promotion, experience or degree. Your personal happiness is also an important measure of success.
• Opportunities will always be out there, if you miss one there will be others.

Blog Photo by Luís Pereira on Unsplash