How to network for introverts
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“One of the most powerful networking practices is to provide immediate value to a new connection. This means the moment you identify a way to help someone, take action.”
It’s the word that drives fear and dread into the hearts and minds of most introverts. NETWORKING EVENT!!!! Every time I hear that word, as much as I don’t want to, a part of my heart sinks and a little bit of fear and anxiety settles in. It could be a Christmas celebration, it could be an End of Financial Year celebration, or it could just be a networking session. It doesn’t matter how many I’ve attended, it never seems to get any easier. Sadly, the more senior you become, the more often these sessions are put into your diary, and it becomes more mandatory to show your face.
So over the last few years, I’ve been searching for the most effective way to network at social events. I’ve read a lot of books and articles. Eventually, it became apparent that there is a single set of actions that underpin all the various theories and techniques. Below is my take on the simple actions you can take to the next networking event to make it a success and maybe, just maybe, you’ll have a blast doing it.
ACTION 1: STARTING MINDSET - HOW CAN I ADD VALUE
One of the biggest challenges to networking is that there appears to be no formula you can adopt to make it a success. How do you approach someone? How do you introduce yourself? What do you say? In fact, that last piece is often the biggest blocker for me. What do I say? How do I carry on a conversation with someone I don’t know? What about the awkward silence?
Well, there is a simple answer that addresses what you say and also how to keep the conversation going. And the answer is the quote by Lewis Howes (founder of the Podcast: School of Greatness) at the beginning of this blog: figure our how you can add value to the person you’re talking to.
Once you get into the conversation, adopt the mindset of how you can add value to the person you’re speaking with. It doesn’t have to be value from your field of technical expertise, it could simply be anything from your life that might help the other person, or it could be someone you know (or a service provider you’ve used) that you can introduce to this person.
To keep the conversation going, then continue to ask questions that can help you identify where you can add value. Following our previous blog on How to Ask the Right Questions, use open ended questions to keep the conversation going. For example, if you’re at a vendor networking event, you can ask questions like:
“How are you finding the service levels provided for xyz?”
“I found the experience similar and to try to tailor it more for my company’s needs, I’ve done abc.”
“What did you do to improve their services levels? Is there anything you can share with me?”
“That’s an interesting notion. I haven’t tried that yet. What I did try was abc.”
By adopting the right mindset, it provides you with a basic formula with which to commence every conversation and to keep the conversation going.
ACTION 2: STOP AND SCAN THE ROOM
If you’re like me, when you enter the room where the networking event is being held, you rush headlong into it, hoping that by some miracle, you’ll spot someone you know and hope that they notice you and bring you into the conversation. Any strategy that is reliant on hope is never a good one.
Instead, do the one key thing that people with executive presence do. When you enter the room, stop and scan the room. You think this makes you look silly but in fact, the opposite is true. It takes a great deal of mindfulness and self confidence to stop and scan the room before taking action. Essentially, it says “I’m not going with the flow. I’m doing what I want and take action when I’m ready”.
Watch any movie where the character demonstrates self confidence. Ultimately, no matter what room they enter into, their first action is to stop and then scan the room before taking the next step.
So next time you enter into a networking session, once you enter through the door, stand to the side and stop. Scan the room. Notice how many people are around, notice the sound, notice who is getting the most attention, notice where the food and drinks are, and finally, notice who else is looking slightly uncomfortable or standing around by themselves.
ACTION 3: ENGAGE WITH LIKE MINDED INTROVERTS
As much as we would all love for the crowd to gather around us when we enter the room, the reality is, that’s not going to happen. The second thing we want to do is to join a popular conversation. Again, if that group is already going in full flow, then it’s hard to interrupt. So let’s get back to basics and through your scanning of the room, identify other introverts who are uncomfortable at these events. Then take the first step to start your own conversation.
You can almost guarantee that the other introvert standing by himself/herself would be so glad that you’ve walked up to talk to them. In fact, they would probably put in more effort to keep the conversation going so that they’re not left standing alone again. So all the motivation and components of a good conversation flow is there with a complete stranger.
The only thing needed is a spark to bring it all together, and the spark is simply for you to walk up to them and say hello. The cool thing is, if the conversation is going well, invite other people to join into the conversation. That way, instead of wishing you could break into a popular group conversation, you can create your own little posse of introverts and have fun.
ACTION 4: INTRODUCTION - KEEP IT SIMPLE
Yes, walking up to a stranger and talking to them is awkward. But don’t forget the context. These networking events are supposed to help strangers get to know each other. Therefore, to be at an event and not engage with strangers is actually more awkward.
And, you don’t need a wonderful formula to introduce yourself. The rule is to keep the introduction simple. Walk up to that person and just say “Hello. I’m Philip. And you are?” Make sure you extend your hand and talk with a smile. Make sure you maintain eye contact also.
The other person will say their name and internally breathe a sigh of relief that someone else has made the effort to introduce themselves first. From there, all you have to do is ask questions and think how you can add value.
ACTION 5: BE MEMORABLE AND FOLLOW-UP
A lot of people at networking events think that just by exchanging business cards, they’ve somehow done their duty and have set the business relationship on a strong footing. The fact of the matter is, truly influential people will meet many many people at these networking events and collect hundreds of business cards. They won’t remember the conversation at all, let alone who said what to them. With such a flimsy foundation, if you reach out to them for help, you’re likely to get a generic response (if you get a response at all).
So take a simple action to make yourself more memorable. During the conversation, ask the person about his/her thoughts on how you can solve a particular problem. Then, a few days after the networking session, reach out to the person via email to set up a time to get their counsel on that problem you discussed. This then strengthens your professional relationship and if you can use the follow-up session to show how you can add value to them, you’ve now set yourself up to build a sustainable relationship.
Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash
Commanding genuine respect, one that doesn’t rely on your position power is one of the hardest things to do for an introvert. There are five simple actions we can adopt straight away that can help us to establish our presence in the room and command the attention and focus on what we have to say.