Five key actions to instantly boost your confidence

Five key actions to instantly boost your confidence

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home to think about it. Go out and get busy.”

— Dale Carnegie

It’s been a busy month. As usual, any month that has a Board meeting in it, usually means I’m head down and bum up. Preparing for what I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, and refreshing my memory on all the content that’s been delivered since the last Board meeting. Why the focus on content? Because I need to be prepared for any random left field questions that may come out of the wood work. Believe me, there’s been a few stunners that have stumped me.

I waited outside the Boardroom patiently. While I’m staring out the window, looking down at the river, I push my brain to rehearse what I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, and memorise all the facts and figures that I think might be pertinent. However, while I’m mentally rehearsing, I know I’ve forgotten something very important and it has nothing to do with content.

I’ve prepared for the content, but I’ve not prepared myself mentally and emotionally. In the lead-up period to the Board meeting, I’ve not done any of the things that I have blogged about, that I have experimented with and proven that they work for me to boost my confidence. Why is this important? Because I could memorise all the facts and figures but if I can’t communicate clearly and confidently, then those facts, figures, and ideas, might as well not exist. We’ve all been there, the nerves get the better of us the moment we open our mouths to speak (or even before we speak) and next thing you know, everyone is looking at you as if you’ve just blurted out nonsense.

So as a refresher. Here are the top five actions we need to do everyday to build and sustain you level of inner confidence so that in the moments that count, you can convey your thoughts clearly, confidently, and with impact.

1. SMILE

I’ve blogged about this many times before. Never ever underestimate the power of a smile. When you catch a stranger’s eye and smile (not too big, showing teeth…. that’s just creepy), it boosts your inner level of confidence and it also boosts the other person’s self esteem. Think about it, one simple action can have a double effect. Think back to a time when a stranger smiled at you and remember how positive you felt. The same thing will happen to the person you’re smiling at. Even if they don’t smile back, you would’ve still built up your inner level of confidence.

However, more realistically, the more you smile deliberately, the more you will smile sub-consciously as you talk or when you engage with someone in a meeting. Confident people smile. Extroverts smile. Babies smile. So the more you smile when you’re speaking and when you’re listening, the more confident you will be perceived, not to mention how engaging you will be. Who doesn’t enjoy talking to someone who smiles at them.

2. Make EYE CONTACT

Ever since I started experimenting with actions to become the best version of myself, I have found that eye contact is one of the key actions to improve how people perceive you. There are countless eye contact research articles, telling you where to look, for how long, etc.

You can read those articles when you have time but the simplest action to take is to just make sure that you look at the eye of the person you’re speaking to or when they’re speaking to you. Notice I said “eye” and not “eyes”. Pick one eye and engage with it. Don’t shift from one eye to the other… if you do, you’ll be perceived as shifty (no pun intended). And don’t stare either. Pick one eye, engage with it for 3 or 4 seconds, make sure you smile, then look away. And then repeat.

If you do this, I promise you will come across as a more engaging person, perceived as more genuine, and when you smile regularly, interactions with you will be more enjoyable.

3. Remember to BREATHE

When you are excited or nervous or fearful, you inadvertently hold your breath. Adrenaline starts pumping through your body and your heart rate increases. What does the combination of adrenaline, heart rate, and being out of breath give you? A mumble of words that come flying out of your mouth at supersonic speeds. Instead of a carefully constructed statement with thoughtful pauses in between, you get a jumble of verbal stew. Not a very good way to get your thoughts across the line.

So as you feel the anticipation rising while waiting for the right moment to put your comments forwards, remember to breathe. Focus on your breathing for five seconds. Feel the air enter and exit your nose. It will calm the nerves and increase your chance of speaking clearly. Nothing worse then trying to be impactful with your words while struggling to get some air back in your lungs.

Remember that “fear is excitement without breath”. So next time, instead of feeling fear just before you speak. Take a few breaths and it becomes excitement.

4. Count to FIVE

Sometimes, the feeling of anticipation or nerves get the better of us and no matter how much we focus on our breathing, our emotions remain in control of our brains. When that happens, try the Five Second Rule from Mel Robbins.

In your head, just count backwards from five. Five, four, three, two, one. It forces your brain to temporarily focus on the maths rather than the emotion. It gives you a chance to seize the opportunity and redirect attention to what you want to say and how you want to say it. Just make sure you do it in your head rather than doing it out loud. I guess, if you do it out loud, at least you’ll get attention.

5. EXPAND your body

Unfold those arms, take your hands out of your pockets, and uncross your legs. Firmly plant your feet flat on the ground, rest your arm on the arm rests, and just sit up straight. How you feel affects your physical posture. Science has proven that it works the other way too.

So before your meeting, stand up tall, expand you body (chest up, back straight) and stay like this for a few minutes. Then during the meeting, in your chair, do the same. Take up slightly more room if you have to. It will give your confidence a boost.

So there you have it. Five simple actions to do everyday. Write them down. Set up an alarm on your phone to remind you to do these actions periodically throughout the day. Before you know it, they will become second nature and your brain will automatically remind you if you forget.