All introverts should do this to stand out

“Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.”

— Clint Eastwood: Actor and Director

I've been looking forward to sharing this and hopefully you will find the simple action in this blog post as surprisingly effective as I did. It's been a crazy few months with job changes, being overseas, and being interstate. Throughout this time, I've been testing this action to make sure it wasn't a one-off event in different countries and languages. After many trials, I can confirm that the effects this action generates are universally effective.

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So still fresh from recently completing my 30 day challenge of speaking with three strangers a day for 30 days, I still had an elevated level of self-confidence. I'm not talking about the level of self confidence that extroverts seem to exhibit naturally but you know that feeling you get from knowing you've successfully mastered the basics of a new skill. It's that small sensation that gives you a glimpse of what you could do but grounded in the knowledge that you still have some work to do to continue to master the skill. So it is with this feeling that I woke up on a recent weekend and got ready to go to the shops to pick up some bread from the local bakery (yes, it's more expensive, but I like to think I'm supporting the local small business; plus I think it tastes better than the big chains).

I walked into the small bakery. There was a university aged female shop assistant behind the counter. The short and routine interaction began as mundane as it could be. In fact, I probably stuttered a little as my mind was probably getting over the incredible number of permutations of bread and struggling to decide what to order (did you know there is a wholemeal bread disguised as white bread). I ended up getting the usual: wholemeal sliced. But as this short mundane interaction was concluding, flowing through the final phases of "whether there's anything else", payment, and "have a nice day", I noticed a strange reaction from the shop assistant. Strange because I immediately recognised what it was but it's a reaction I normally get, especially not as a strong introvert.

The shop assistant was actually blushing while speaking with me with increasingly red cheeks, fleeting eye contact, a constant smile, slightly red cheeks, and the little girl look. You know, the one where the face is aiming slightly downwards so the eyes can look up at you. I'm not Casanova but I've dated enough before I got married to know blushing. As the short interaction completed, and I started walking back to my car, I wondered what was it that I did that caused such a reaction. After all, it was a weekend so I certainly wasn't dressed nor groomed to impress. Then it hit me. I had combined two things I tested individually in my previous blogs with a new action I hadn't thought of.

I smiled.

I kept eye contact.

I spoke deeply and a little louder.

I spoke deeply and a little louder by accident. All because  I had woken up only 10 minutes before this interaction and I still had that back of the throat way of talking. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. So to compensate, I deliberately amplified my vocals and because of that "back of the throat" sensation, I took a deeper breath in an attempt to ensure the air got out. This happy coincidence is what generated my louder, deeper vocals. 

Could the reaction have been because I was just good looking?

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I can tell you with confidence (and I'm sure girls I've pursued in school), my looks couldn't generate that kind of reaction in a million years. But to prove this point, I decided to test this combination of actions. Smiling and maintaining eye contact was almost a habit now. But speaking purposefully and deeply was new. Sure, there were some tests where I would stumble (e.g. I'd do some of the actions and forget the others).

But in the interactions where I did get the actions right, I always, always got a positive reaction. I'm not talking about blushing but the other person (both male and female) would be more friendly (even if they started out not so) or go that extra step. Here are some actual examples to illustrate:

• At the airport (no, not the free upgrade routine), I asked whether if we could change seats since my family were seated near the toilets. I smiled, kept eye contact, and spoke deeply. The initial reaction from the check-in lady was nonchalant but as we talked her reaction changed and actually spent 10 minutes looking for different seats for us. All the while there was a queue building up behind us.
• While in Taiwan, there is a local breakfast join that is always busy and well known for the owner's rudeness. Nothing like the "Soup Nazi" from Seinfeld but the husband and wife owners would never smile and grunt in response to your order. I queried one of the items I received as I was sure it wasn't what I ordered. I was a bit scared a first but I kept my smile, eye contact, and spoke deeply. The reaction of the husband owner started to change. He actually smile as he was talking to me and decided to exchange the item.

So there you have it. All you have to do is smile, keep eye contact, and talk deeply and a little louder. It's not going to change your world dramatically, but it's going to make every interaction a little more positive for you. 

Blog Photo by Michał Parzuchowski on Unsplash.