Use discomfort to succeed - Success Series 2019 EP4

“The person who returns from a journey is not the same as person who left.”

— Chinese Proverb

We’re now at Week 4 of our 2019 Success Series and highlighting the key realisations and actions inherently embedded in our Uninhibited Introvert Program. By now, you should have three key rules embedded in your psyche and practised on a daily basis, which is taking you towards your 2019 goal of becoming the best version of yourself. By now you should have the following embedded:

• Adopted a Growth Mindset and the realisation that you’re not stuck with who you are, no matter what age you are.

• Started to Focus on Yourself and prioritised your own needs, wants, desires as much as your prioritise others.

• Realised that Process is Key to success; a continuing series of small steps that push you towards your goals.

This week, we’re going to give you a key principle to embrace so that when the going gets tough on your journey, you can use it as fuel to inspire you to continue towards you goals of self improvement. Along the way, especially in the early parts of the journey, things will be tough, you won’t know if what you’re doing is making a difference, you will be awkward, and you won’t see results. In fact, in the early parts of the journey, you will suck big time. But the key to success is simply to

EMBRACE the SUCK

SUCCESS = YOUR TOLERANCE OF DISCOMFORT

You are reading this blog because you feel like there is so much more potential inherent within you that you just can’t seem to unleash. You have all this innate power, influence, ideas, and a vision of yourself that feels so close yet so far away at the same time. You know this better version of you exists, but you don’t know how to reach it and unleash it. Ultimately, you end up feeling pain at not being able to close the gap between who you are right now and the better version of yourself that you can feel but not realise. If you’re like me, you probably conclude that ignorance truly is bliss. That it is preferable to not know that you can be better rather than know that you can be better but you don’t know how to get there.

But there is one principle that you must embed and come back to each time. We can all bridge that gap and reach the better version of ourselves. We just need to take that very first step and then repeat. We need to do the very thing that makes us feel uncomfortable. Discomfort is not a bad thing. Discomfort means we are pushing further than before. It means that we are learning new things and that we are growing. Soon enough, the action that you were uncomfortable with at the beginning becomes your new baseline, your new comfort level. When that’s done, you take the next step that makes you feel uncomfortable and repeat. Each cycle of discomfort followed by a new baseline takes you one step closer to realising the better version of yourself that you can feel but can’t reach.

If you want to realise your New Year’s Resolutions, if you want to become a better version of yourself, then don’t accept the status quo. Don’t settle for being comfortable. Don’t just accept the feeling of that massive chasm between who you are and who you can be. As Confucius famously said:

You grow most tired whilst standing still.

So as you progress on your self improvement journey and you hit a roadblock or your run out of inspiration, embed this key principle into your mind:

How successful you are in becoming the better version of yourself is 100% correlated to how comfortable you are with being uncomfortable.

HOW TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE

There are many false prophets out there who promise you that you can be successful like them by taking MASSIVE ACTION or that you can CRUSH LIFE. These “life coaches” compare the end result with the likes of Grant Cardone, Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, etc. Billionaires who are known for their ability to overcome adversity and achieve their goals.

But the problem is, these kinds of comparisons are not only unrealistic and inaccurate (the definition of success and a better version of you is different for everyone) but it also creates such a massive chasm that any normal person would find mentally challenging to accept. Instead of setting yourself up for success, you’ve already setup a massive blocker in your mind. If you set out to crush it and go all out, you might make some progress at the beginning but it becomes unsustainable. The changes you make are temporary and you can’t embed it. Give it a few more months, you’ll be back on the internet or bookshop looking for the next self improvement technique.

To formula to getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is simple. Make one small change at a time. Take one small action and repeat until it becomes embedded in your psyche where you don’t even have to think about doing it. Then, once embedded, push onto to the next action. How will you know when you’ve embedded a new improvement? You’ll know when you’re doing the action regularly but the feeling of a gap between who you are now and the better version of yourself returns. You’ve not regressed, you’ve simply setup a new baseline and now you’re ready for the next challenge.

Everyone’s areas for improvement are different, but introverts, a lot of times, it’s to do with speaking their mind or interacting socially and stand-out. So while you are working out a detailed list of specific actions to take to become the better version of yourself, how about doing the following, which will push the boundaries of almost all introverts:

• Make eye contact when you’re speaking with someone. Pick one eye, and look at it while you’re talking to that person. Don’t stare, but hold that eye contact for 5 seconds. How will you know you’ve done it properly rather than just vaguely held eye contact, when you can tell the colour of their eyes and can see the patterns in their iris.

• When you’re at the shops or when you’re ordering coffee (my favourite action), take your interaction beyond just “Hello, can I have a medium flat white no sugar please”. Ask the barista how his/her day was? Give a compliment on the coffee, the cafe, or something the barista is wearing. How do you know you’ve been successful? When the barista remembers who you are and they take the conversation beyond just taking your order.

• Smile at a stranger. As you walk through the office, down the street, in the shopping centre, once you’ve caught someone’s eye, then just smile. It doesn’t matter if they don’t smile back. The fact is you’re training yourself to smile regularly.

• If fear of speaking out in a meeting is driving you mad, then practice this trick I learnt from an introverted CFO. At the beginning of the meeting, before everyone gets too worked up in their own abilities, speak first. Then you won’t feel the pressure of not wanting to be the only one in the meeting to not have said a word.

To illustrate how simple this is, let me share with you something I’ve been doing lately. I was walking back to my car at the end of the day and I walked past this lady taking a picture of the city and I thought how great the camera in that phone must be given the lighting, zoom, and quality of the photo. I kept walking but my mind said “STOP. This is an opportunity to push out of your comfort zone”. I took a few more steps before I stopped, turned around and walked back to the lady. “Excuse me miss. I can’t help but notice how great you phone’s camera is. May I ask what phone you’ve got there?”

We had a 2 minute conversation where she proceeded to tell me what brand it was but then what other models are coming that are much better. I wasn’t after a new phone but the point is, for about 2 days afterwards, I felt like I could do anything. The sensation that I’ve done something I’d normally not do and actually did it was amazing. Yes, it may seem like an insignificant event. But that’s the point. I’m taking a small action that I’d normally not take and building up in myself the ability to talk to strangers which leads to improvements in speaking up in meetings.

Get over the discomfort or the fear by taking simple everyday actions. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and embrace the suck along the way. Why? Because everything you want is just on the other side of the discomfort.

Still need more inspiration to embrace the suck? How about take the lesson from Will Smith himself.

Blog Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels