The 3 actions to breaking your limitations - Success Series 2019 EP5

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

— Dale Carnegie

Five weeks into our 2019 Success Series, how well are you tracking with your actions? In an ideal world, you’d be applying all the actions in our Uninhibited Introvert Program, and by now, you should have a Growth Mindset, an attitude to Focus on Yourself, embedded realisation that Process is Key, and sustain your journey with the knowledge that your Level of Discomfort is directly correlated to your Level of Success.

But that is the ideal world and the reality is, you’re probably a overwhelmed and struggling to apply the actions regularly. You’re probably also reading multiple self-improvement books, articles from INC, Forbes, Ladders, etc., containing high level concepts, and sometimes, even conflicting recommendations (even from the same publisher).

How do I know? Because I went through the exact same phase at the beginning when starting MyCorporateDiary. But I persisted through this phase and I have tested, validated, and now apply daily, the three actions that make a massive difference. If you do nothing else but these three simple actions, you will find even after the first five days, you are a more confident person, and more open to conveying your thoughts. The three simple actions are:

BREATHE - SMILE - TALK LOUD & PROUD

BREATHE

The mind is the king of the senses, but the breath is the king of the mind.

Control your breath, and you control your nerves. With your nerves under control, your mind is clear to focus on what you want to say, how you want to say it, or how to respond to the environment. One of the biggest blockers to us realising the best version of ourselves is nervousness. You feel it in many different ways but it most commonly manifests itself in sweaty palms, elevated hear rate, perspiration on your forehead and body, dry mouth, and difficulty breathing (mainly because you’re holding you breath).

All these things combine to mess with your mind. You lose your train of thought, you lose the ability to speak clearly without choking up, you go red in the face, and as I have experienced recently, you sweat and it shows up through your shirt. Embarrassing!!!! Worse, it makes you feel even more nervous and you sweat even more.

So what’s the action we take when we are at a pivotal moment? What’s the action we take before we open our mouths to speak in public, before we go approach that fascinating stranger across the street, or we’re mid-presentation and we feel the nerves kick in? It’s simple. Just breathe. If you forget everything else, just focus on your breath. Breath coming in, breath going out. Focus on it, count if you like (just count in your head). Do this for 10 seconds or so and you will find your nerves calming down.

But if you want a more effective way of breathing to really prepare you for major events. Then use the Vagas nerve breathing technique.

• Take a deep breathing in through your nose.

• Count how many seconds your inhale is (as long as is comfortable).

• Try visualising yourself filling up the lower part of your lungs just above your belly button like a balloon.

• Breathe out through your nose.

• Double the count of your inhale. If your breath in was 2 seconds, then your breath out should be 4 seconds. Don’t try to push it longer. This isn’t a breath holding contest. Simply inhale for as long as is comfortable for you.

• Repeat.

Do this a few times until you can feel your nerves calm down. Want a better visualisation. Scroll down to Ellie Drake’s demonstration video at the end of this blog post.

SMILE

Smiling doesn’t have to mean you’re happy. Sometimes, it just means you’re strong.

First fact. A genuine smile (or even a broad fake one) is disarming. It makes whoever you're talking to feel like they can communicate safely with you. It projects warmth, friendliness, and openness. One of the first facial expressions that babies have when they are born is to smile. You don't need to teach a baby to smile. It (he/she) just does it naturally. It happens within the first week in most cases. And why do babies need to know how to smile? Because it's a key expression in helping adults to love them and protect them. Next time you're holding a baby (or a child) and he/she smiles back at you, I challenge you not to feel something warm and fuzzy or not smile in return. You can't. It's just a natural human reaction to feel better when you see someone smile at you. 

Second fact. Smiling is a key trait of extroverts. They love the attention, they garner energy off socialising and interacting with people. Smiling comes naturally to them. On top of being vocal, and loud, which gets them attention, they also smile more often and more naturally. When they talk to you, they look deep into your eyes, hold your attention, give you a big smile, and then launch into whatever topic of discussion that's on their mind, regardless of what you're doing. In fact, they'll likely go through five different topics before you get a word in. It's important to remember that extroverts aren't evil. Introversion and extroversion are just two ends of the spectrum of behaviour tendencies. While most office jerks are extroverts, it doesn't mean that every extrovert is an office jerk. As one colleague said to me, "some people are just dickheads". With this in mind, it's not hard to fathom why extroverts get all the attention. Not only are they vocal, they are also disarming when conveying their multitude of thoughts and opinions. In the face of such traits, introverts are at a distinct disadvantage in the office space.

Final fact. If you smile, you naturally elevate you own mood. From Mother Teresa to Maya Angelou, famous people have all consistently mentioned the power of the smile to improve one's mood.

So the action here is simple. Make a conscious effort to make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds longer than usual (don't stare but don't glance away like most introverts do), and smile. Do it during meetings, workshops, and even on the phone. Then, on the street, just smile at strangers. You'll make yourself feel better and even have the chance of making someone's day. Over time, smiling will become natural and second nature. Then you would've equalised another advantage that extroverts have over you. Learning to smile is free and it comes with zero risk. So do it now. Smile.

TALK LOUD AND PROUD

Here is a simple truth that I’ve learnt in my journey to breaking out of my introvert limitations. We let the weight of false social expectations impact our ability to express ourselves. And when we do express ourselves, we do it as if other people are doing us a favour but letting us speak. It comes across as if we’re ashamed to say even say what’s on our minds or ask for what we want. If we don’t sound confident in expressing our ideas or in asking for what we want, then why would anyone take us seriously?

So the action is simple. Before you express yourself, take a deep breath then talk louder and prouder than you normally would. You don’t need to shout but speak one octave louder, let the air come from your diaphragm or deep in your lungs. Then be firm with what you are saying. Don’t include fake phrases like “… this might not be right…” or “… may I have....”. Be firm and speak your point.

Blog photo by bruce mars from Pexels